03/07/2013-

I don’t know why my entries aren’t showing up on bookmarks.  For a good week no one was showing up on mine either…but I am still writing!   

We had KinderMusic last night and Emily had fun.  Sometimes she seems so ADD though, I swear, lol.  I know it’s pretty normal for this age, but it sucks when all of the other kids will be doing an activity and she’s more interested in pointing at doors or something.  Ironically when we get there early and only one or two other kids are there she interacts and is verbal and pays attention to the teacher and is focused, but when everyone is there she just seems to lose interest a lot.  Some stuff she gets really into though, so I guess it just depends on what interests her.  There is one kid who has a meltdown about every five minutes and Emily is very interested in watching her.  Like the kid will be in a screaming heap on the ground and Emily will walk up to her, sit next to her and just stare, like WTF is going on here? Lol.  
 
I am so tired at night lately that I keep falling asleep while putting Emily to sleep.  Poor Bryan..I’ll wake up close to midnight and put Emily in her crib and he’ll be asleep on the couch because he doesn’t want to risk coming in the room and waking her up.  I tried so hard to stay awake last night but the same thing happened, lol.  I haven’t had any vivid dreams for a while but it felt like I dreamt all.night.long last night! It’s pretty much the only thing making me believe I’m still pregnant, because otherwise Im having zero symptoms.  I have no food cravings whatsoever at this point, and oddly I find myself not wanting sweets at all.  With Emily I had the hugest sweet tooth.  That could be yet to come, of course.  I’m thinking I’ll have better control over myself this time though.  I don’t mind if I gain as much weight this pregnancy just because it wasn’t an unhealthy amount of weight to gain and it all came off, except for the last 10lbs, pretty darn quick afterwards.  I’d just rather gain it in a healthier way and not gorging on Mike & Ikes which seemed to be my obsession last time around.  Yuck, just thinking of candy is upsetting my stomach, lol.
 
Emily wore one of the new BumGenius diapers to bed last night and no leaks this morning!  The elastic on the old ones is just too old.  They work fine during the day though, so I think I’ll just make sure to put her in a new one at night and not bother trying to fix the other ones.
 
So I’ve worked a lot with Emily on number and she really seems to get the concept now and can count a little, but I haven’t worked on ABCs much or anything.  I feel like she should be getting more input or stimulation with learning throughout the day but I don’t know how to go about it. = I wish the nanny and Bryan would encourage her with that stuff during the day, but I don’t know what to say to them to get that going.  Heck, I can’t even suggest something for them to do!  Parenting is hard.  I had her saying ABC yesterday just repeating after me, but there doesn’t seem to be any real learning going on.  Do you know what I mean?  Am I just way ahead of myself here?  I know she’s not even 2..I just don’t want to set her up for failure and have to play catchup in school later on.  School was always difficult for me and I was always behind everyone else it seemed and that felt awful.  It’s hard enough to learn along with everyone else, but when you’re behind it’s just stacking more hurdles against you.
 
She just stays at home and plays all day pretty much..which, yes, I know is exactly what she should be doing.  I just wish she had some more productive play I guess?  I feel like she’s smart and catches on quick when we try and teach her something, but that we’re just not exposing her to enough to keep her brain stimulated.  I don’t mean I want to sit there and make her go through flash cards or something, but maybe helpful games to learn her colors or alphabet?  I think the problem is I have no idea what I’m doing and I have no idea if I’m teaching her what I’m supposed to and if she’s on track!  I tend to freak out about these things a little…=)
 
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>They are doing closing arguments in our trial today, thank god.  I am so ready for it to be over.  The psychologist testified for THREE DAYS.  Exhausting.  And of course I already have people wanting his testimony which will take me forever to transcribe because of all the articles they talked about and read from.
 
I wrote all of that yesterday and never got around to posting.  The jury came back with a verdict this morning.  They are keeping him detained. =)
 
I fell asleep again last night while putting Emily to sleep.  I’m just so tired!!  Of course after I woke up around midnight and put her in her crib I could fall back asleep for like two hours, lol.  I’m betting I’ll fall asleep tonight too.  I keep telling Bryan if he’s tired to lay in there with us so he can sleep too, but noo.  He wants to stay up late, even though he’s tired, and then gets shafted when he can’t come to bed until late.  Oh well.
 
I was feeling a bit nauseous last night.  At this point I welcome any feelings that make me believe I’m pregnant!  When I couldn’t sleep last night I kept thinking that I really don’t believe I’m going to get good news at my first ultrasound.  It just doesn’t feel like there’s anything in there, you know?  I need to stop reading on BBC because there’s a lot of posts about their beta levels not rising and how they go to their first appointment and its a blighted ovum or there’s no heartbeat.  I’m pretty much convinced that’s what’s going to happen now!  Time will tell.  
 
I’m happy tomorrow is Friday.  I am definitely ready for the weekend!
 
~Sheralyn