Resisting sleep & looking back

Still two lines on my ovulation monitor this morning!  So day 14 and no ovulation yet.  I wonder if my monitor is broken?  It should have two lines for four days.  I’m not "about to ovulate" that long.  We’ll see what tomorrow says, but I was really disappointed because I was sure it was going to say I was ovulating today and I used pre-seed and elevated and everything last night.  Bah.  Oh well.
 
I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel like if it doesn’t happen this time that something is wrong with me!  Maybe a tube is partially blocked again.  The last two times I conceived it was after an HSG and SHG, both which send liquid through the Fallopian tubes and clear them out.  I know it takes time, but this is just where my brain goes.  
 
I was reading my old entries when I was pregnant with Emily and good god was I scared!  I think it’s interesting that I forgot the majority of the bad stuff.  I remembered the big stuff, like being close to having incompetent cervix at one point, bed rest over Christmas, when I had the blockage and went to the hospital.  But if you asked me about morning sickness or back pain I wouldn’t have remembered having it at all, when I clearly did, lol!  I think the first half of my pregnancy I was pure terrified and the second half was so amazing, minus a little back pain, that I just chose to remember the good stuff!  Which is nice because, at least right at this moment, I don’t feel as scared going into another pregnancy.  I know my body can do it now, at least.  I hope I can just be a little more calm my next pregnancy and not think every twinge is a miscarriage.  Don’t hold me to that though..lol
 
Emily’s cold seems to have gotten worse.  She is a snotty boogery mess and she started coughing a bit yesterday. =( I’m happy that my cough never surpassed being an annoying tickle in my throat all.day.long so I’m hoping hers doesn’t get worse than that.  Of course the night before last, when she was on that great sleeping track, we decided to stay up late and watch a movie but instead she woke up an hour into it and it took me over an hour to get her back to sleep.  She resisted our new night time routine hardcore that night too, and then last night she was so hysterical that after an hour I just had Bryan bounce her.  She just wouldn’t calm down and was getting SO worked up.  Yet when I put her in Bryan’s arms to bounce her she gave a big old smile and was asleep within 10 minutes.  Ugh.  Knowing her she will just start fighting it all the time now because she knows eventually she’ll get bounced.  If she wasn’t becoming hysterical I could deal with her crying next to me, even if it was a long time…but I feel like there’s no choice when she’s hysterical.  I would pick her up and hold her and calm her down and the second we laid back down she was panicked and crying so hard she could barely breathe.  *sigh* My poor baby.  I just have to remind myself she’s not even 2, she is just my BABY, and it will get easier with time. =)
 
She is already so big, eventually it will become impossible!  In the KinderMusic class she was a good inch talker than all the other kids and most of them are a few months older!  She has the longest legs.  Bryan and I are both a little above average height so I figured she wouldn’t be short, but I’m starting to wonder exactly how tall she’ll get! =) As I say to her every day, she’s just "my big little – tiny little girl", hehe.  
 
I was able to come home for lunch every day this week and spend some extra time with her which was nice, and I think that will happen next week too!  We have a big sexually violent predator trial coming up the end of February though that will be a few weeks long and I will probably be working long days those weeks. =( Gotta get my time in whenever I can!!
 
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-w

eight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>I’m so glad it’s Friday.  No plans again, other than relaxing and trying to get Emily and Bryan better (he has a cold too).  We haven’t been able to see Bryan’s grandpa in a few weeks because Emily was sick one weekend, then the norovirus disaster, now this, and we can’t risk getting him sick.  Hopefully we’ll all be better by next weekend!  We sent him a card with a picture, but he’s not doing well and probably thinks we’re bailing on him like everyone else.  Really hoping we see him next weekend.  I’m still so happy my mom and Bryan’s aunt didn’t end up getting that stomach bug too!  Still shocked by that one.
 
Anyways, hope everyone has a good weekend.  I’m hoping mine consists of conceiving a baby!! =)
 
~Sheralyn