can’t sleep… again…
J’s off for a couple of days just got home from doing laundry… and i can’t sleep i feel really bad because j’s been working his ass off for us… yet the fridge is bare. teh cabnets soon to be… I have a eating problem emotional eating… it sucks IT really does…. but better food than cigs or alcohol right?????
I so wanted to fall asleep in his arms but the harder i tried to fall asleep i couldn’t … like some unkown force is trying to take control of my life….. but only god holds the unknown answers that i seek…. which is why me? why put me through this hurt and pain… the fights teh bitchiness…
the no real close friends unless their thousands and thousands of miles away….
No money really to speak of…
FOur lousy freakin bucks is all i have… thats not enough for my cell bill or christmas presents or anythign of the sort. *sighZ* i just want to cry….. but that would wake J. and he’s exhausted and he has about 3 bucks more than i do to his name lucky him!! *sighZ*
i just want a job… to support me and him…. so i can pay back my college loans. so that we can continue our discussions about marriage.. spending our life together… kids…
I’ve always wanted kids… whether i gave birth or adopted… them… children need caring parents… J’s really good with his nieces and nephews… and im good with babies… *sighsZ* did i mention my cycle is fucked up again?
Before i went on birth control i didn’t have a period for ova 9months. Now… after it being somewhat regular like clockwork im scared… i could be pregnant or its just my emotional stress fucking up it all up again… see what not working has done to me?
Im freaked out ova simple things. Im broke. and i have no way to fix things…
J n i have never been to the movies. or out to a really nice resteruant. by ourselves as a couple… he works the ova nite shift and i stay at home trying to find a job.. and the energy to clean house… IM such a lousy housekeeper…. *cries* its all i can do to the dishes *attempt to do dishes* and laundry….. Im such a lazy ass… i guess i dont know…
Sorry for my rant…
leave notes Or ill become psycho agian..
a. get a job b. save your money c. don’t get the house so dirty every day that it takes all of your energy to clean it
Warning Comment
honestly.. have u ever tried like going into stores and asking them if they need people? Its hard finding a job where u wanna be confortable and have fun at the same time, cuz im trying to find a job after this week again.. but the more u go into stores the better it is! i hope u find a job soon and i hope veerything goes well!
Warning Comment
have u tried retail? every company i know of is hiring seasonal help like crazy right now. i am hiring like people every day at my job maybe u should just try to go into stores and talk to them about seasonal work.
Warning Comment
Look for seasonal help, since the holidays are coming up they should be hiring like everything. Even fast foods are hiring. But it’s all according to which state you live in. I do know that Michigan right now sucks for job finding, they are hardly hiring any where that makes good wages. Good luck.
Warning Comment
dont be so hard on your self…….. u soynd like u have a really good man
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