unsettled

God i feel like shit.. Most of my relatives are pressuring J n I to get married soon. ANd alot of them asked why it wasn’t a double wedding…. *sighZ* i personally dont c what business it is of theirs if J n i aren’t engaged yet. it may not ever happen. yes i have thought about that. but then i would probably hurt myself so severely because no one could ever rescue me from my self as much as he has. I love him to pieces but my sis’s wedding has brought some things to both of our attention and god it scares the living shit outta me.

We had unprotected sex today n it was liking we were making love for the first time all ova again. *sighZ* it was so nice but it wasn’t enough to cheer him up. Hes been depressed and yah i’ve been to lately because i try n try to find a job and well no replies im not having anyluck *sighZ* i really dont want to have to move but i might have to get a decent job. I was hopping to avoid that. because mom’s having a full knee replacement in august n my sis is going to be farther away than me right now when it happens i dont want to be farther away than my sister. *sighZ* god all these things are tearing away at me GOD. HELP!!!!