11/13/03

why do i feel ? It only brings me pain n heart ache.

How can i live? How can i survive? i sit here crying inside… not physical tears, well… okay maybe physical tears, but inside n outside tears.

Do i stick my nose where i dont belogn? And if i do? DO i TRUELY do it because i care so much about that person? I would like to think so …

BUt how do u know.. As i watched a friend cry over a girl… last nite, then today in the space of a few hours thier back together?

*slaps Self* u walked right into that one……. I care too damn much i am such a loser Which is one my nicks in my chat room LoserWench… explain that one ?

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more later

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Why do i do this to my self? Caring too much only pushes people away from me… it never makes them stick around its always makes them run from me as fast as thier two legs could carry them u would think i would have learned something by now… but i haven’t..

 Which probably explains the heart in a trillion peices wanting to be put back together again. The black color of the peices… taht are still whole… which aren’t very many…

I care about these people who live miles away… could be lying to be could be honest with me  i never know … I end up carign about them n my whole life revolves around this …. This communication with them, Im pathetic.. im a loser n  many other terrible words.

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 I even cried on the phone… to one of the semi trusted ones.. n i made him hang up because of me cryin. how sad is that even when i need someone i push them away… its unconsiciously done… is it to protect me heart or to protect me..?

My life is Offical A MESS…………

Im moving too so that adds a lot of stress to it… i just dont know how im gonna cope with this shit right now…………. *continues to cry*