3/20/03
wow, last night skip and i called off our friendship, i mean i told him i wanted to cut my self, and he likes if u do that forget talking to me then, and then i asked what was the point? and its just a waste of my time and energy to put something into a friendship, when i really want more than that and i feel like im the only one caring? its just not worth it… so yah i lost a friend last night… im not sure we’re even going to talk anymore.. who the hell knows.. my life has taken a turn for the worse… hopefully i’ll see S. soon, but i doubt it he was too busy studying last night to really talk ease my fears… i feel like my life is snapping in half and me with it. my personality is changing and my actions are changing… where am i? how did i get so lost? oh wait people who are supposed to be christian will say thats because u fucked a guy… yeah well when god doesn’t answer ur prayers for guidance.. what are u supposed to do? just play dead? i can’t do that not now not ever… I will fight hopefully i regain the happiness that i felt for two weeks, but if it was fleeting then i got a serious load of problems to work on… all new and more complex than my old problems.
im sorry for rambling… i just needed to write.. and this has been building up inside me for awhile… and then FOD was down last night.. so i had a lot to say and i wrote S. a little fantasy story… but i wont share that with yall cus i dont want u to laugh at my story skills.
Lataz