All my love

I remember you
I question myself but I’m convinced
Or I’ve convinced myself
Among the clutter of things there
Somewhere in the spaces
It feels like affection
A lover’s intimacy
I remember that love and I feel love become immediate
Slowly growing forward into the present
It begins to fill me up
And through the hours I come to weep
Everything is amplified
Overwhelming
Your absence
Your presence
All the things I cannot remember and the feeling of lack it brings
I think to myself I should set aside the abstracts
But I’m confused
At times I almost believe in what I can see
It dissolves
I don’t know where you end
Where the things that are not you begin
Perhaps you were nothing
And I dreamed you
And perhaps I was created by you
Maybe the hand over my breast is mine
But it isn’t
My hands lie limp across the floor
Or they tangle in my hair in ecstasy
Rub at my shins
Wrists
At rest upon the desk where the hands hold and write
I press the back of my hand to my lips
A memory of the words
The taste
I create the concept of a burn on my neck beneath the base of the skull
A mark I wanted you to give me
That I gave myself by moving forces through you

And all the while the beasts roam
They move across the sky
Come to me and blink
They gather all around but then I am as a beast
With them
Gathering among them
Before us is your body
And the shape of the old blood about your head
I weep
And then I forget
Lay my body down on the stone
The stone becomes soil
The soil becomes grass
The grass becomes carpet
I wake again to your hand on my hip

Somewhere far back before I understood
That’s when you came to me
After the most delicate of treasures scaled the tower to my room
There is a memory of known death
But there is no actual death
All the days before it wash away
There is the pain in my abdomen
In my groin and in my chest
I wait for the fever to come but instead there is the wait for sleep
The words
And your voice

Only now as I reflect
I realise
How much love there is
Everywhere
In everything