Then Claire comes to visit

She is saying
— | – I’m not sure I know quite how to explain it, um,
And I will be the second speaker
— | — You don’t have to.
— | – Yeah I know I don’t have to; it’s…
I wait
I can wait
Watch her breathe and think
— | – It’s a very, ah… it’s quite strange. Looking at myself.
Pause
— | – Looking at myself looking at the words.
She raises her eyebrows briefly and nods at the words
— | – And the words effectively looking at me, what I’m doing.
She still stares
And another part of her stares directly at me
— | – But recently you know I think it’s been making sense. Why this kind of thing happens, maybe why it’s important.
I don’t know why it’s important
— | – Yes but you know it’s important right?
I look at her.
— | — Yes.
She inhales through the nose
Exhales through the nose
Looks at me
— | – I…
Inhale
Pause
— | – It’s good, it’s… good. I don’t think I’ve ever used that word to describe such a thing before.
Pause
— | — No.
— | – So that’s probably a little bit… awkward I guess.
— | — Not awkward.
She knows I feel something
She feels something
Curiosity
Gratification
Suspicion
Optimism
Trepidation
All of these ideas do not quite fit, not even together
— | – No not quite.
I am looking at her
Examining the movements of her mouth
As she involuntarily moves her lips as she thinks
Her eyebrows
The subtle changes in the shape of her eyes
— | – So now I’m going to give you a kiss.
I raise my eyebrows
— | – The special kiss, and feel your hair before you cut it.
I’m going to cut it?
— | – I think you will.
And she looks down as she moves forward
I feel her hand on the back of my head
She touches her lips once to my skin
Then withdraws
Presses her forehead to mine
In the quietest of voices above a whisper
— | – I am jealous for this attention, a hunger like greed.
Indulgence?
— | – Mmm.
And we stay touching this way
Not moving
Until she leaves