No pattern

She sits in the very centre of the room
Sits with her knees tucked beneath her chin
Very still
She hears her own breath
Then the neighbour’s television
…unconfirmed encounters with the beast called Horror…
Close eyes
Open
She gets up
Moves to the sink
Takes a glass
Fills it with water
Drinks half
Sets the glass down in the sink
Rests hands on the side of the bench
Breathe
The incomprehensible murmur of the television next door
Close eyes
Lift one heel and settle down on the other
Slightly stretching the calf

Open door and leave
It returns slowly but doesn’t close

Out on the streets it’s quiet
What scant few people are still about rush to wherever they’re going
Wild about the eyes
Quick of breath
She doesn’t see them
Whispers to herself
— Where am I going.
Again, moves her mouth to shape the words, this time silently
For a moment she isn’t sure if it’s herself she asks
That the answer may come from some unknown thing outside of her
Her footfalls are slightly heavy
She feels each impact in her ankles
So she stops
Close eyes
Stand still
With eyes closed, begin to walk
Slower
Lighter
Neutral
Open eyes
Stop
In the doorway of a building, on the pavement
A piece of paper
Blown by the wind perhaps
Or dropped carelessly
Money
She stares at it
Standing still
Unblinking
Meters away from where she stands
Close eyes
Inhale through the nose
Open eyes
Continue walking

She hardly blinks
The dull greys of the night gloom
The harsh monochrome surfaces lit by street-lights
It all passes by her
Meaningless
Without reference or context
Until she comes to a doorway to some nondescript building
Enters
Takes the stairwell
Walks until her calves begin to tense
Exits onto the next floor
To rows and rows of apartment doors
Stops
Stares
One of them opens
Nothing
She walks forward
Past each closed apartment door
Silence
Through the open door
To an empty apartment
Walks to the centre of the living area
Stops
Listens
Nothing
Turns to the kitchen
Moves to the sink
Fills a glass with water
Pause
Sets it down on the counter
Turns and moves back to the centre of the living area
Stops
Nothing
–
Nothing at all
She sits down on the floor
Tucks her knees beneath her chin