Love and selfishness

– You’re still here.
Nothing
– Have you been holding my hand all this time?
Pause
— Yes.
– Why?
Stare
Breathe
Blink
— Why did you do it?
Looks away
– How many times are you going to ask me.
— Until you tell me.
Exhale
– Even if I wanted to tell you, I couldn’t.
Pause
– It wouldn’t make sense.
Pause
Inhale
— I don’t care.
Eye contact
— I don’t care if I don’t understand. I want you to tell me.
Calm
Even
Exhaustion
— Tell me why.
– If it doesn’t make sense to you? Why would you want me to tell you?
— So that you’ve told me.
A steady voice
A tear nonetheless
— So that I’m included in your life.
Inhale
— So that I know, even if I don’t understand.
Open mouth
Close
— I’m sick of this place.
Fluorescent lights
Hard floors
Reverberating sounds
— I hate it. I want you home, with me.
Stare
– How can you want that.
Breathe
– After what I’ve done.
Pause
– I tried to leave you.
— If you want to leave, then leave, but tell me why.
Voice beginning to shake
Calming control
Steadiness
Breathe
— I don’t care if you hate me, I’ll let you go, just tell me.
Pause
— You don’t owe me anything, but I want it nonetheless.
Stare
— Selfishly. I don’t care.
Looks away
— I’m not making sense any-more.
Hand wiping cross eyes
Rubbing
Exhaustion
Settling head down on the bed
Hand still held
– I want to say that I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t mean it.
Inhale
— Don’t be sorry.
Exhale
— I don’t want you to be sorry.
Tears on clasped hands
— Just come home.