*White hall

A plain hallway
Long
White walls
Then a door on my left
Some kind of bar or club
Moderately loud music
Laughter, chatter
Paranoia
I hear my name only I can’t distinguish it from the noise
Again, louder
And again, I turn my head
A young woman moves towards me with a bottle in each hand
Extends one towards me
A smile on her face that does not indicate drunkenness
I take the bottle
She takes my other hand and pulls as she walks away
I’m led to a series of couches along the wall
Men and women are seated
All with bottles or glasses in their hands
None of them have faces
Instead they have smooth surfaces of skin
The young woman turns to me with her smile
Eyebrows raised
I release her hand
Back away
Turn
Begin to walk to the opposite end of the bar to the one from which I entered
Double doors
Open
And out, bottle in hand
A long white hallway
Then a door on my left
Open
The back-end of a bar
At the other end of the room I see myself walking towards the far door
The back of my head
I step back and close the door
Turn around
A young woman
Neutral face
She looks down at the bottle in my hand
Reaches forward and takes it
Throws it behind her
The bottle smashes against the hard white floor
Liquid fans out away from us
She takes my hand
— Come with me.
She pulls me towards the door
Opens it
An airport
I’m led past the check-in counters
Rows and rows
To the stores and food-courts
Cafés, lounges
Past security who don’t seem to see us
Towards the gates
Through a long aerobridge to an aircraft door
I look to the right, an aircraft full of people
— Check the cockpit.
She says
I turn around and step through the open door
There’s no-one there
– What are we looking for?
I call out
Turn around and exit
The young woman walking towards me down the aisle
Every seat empty
— No good.
She takes my hand again
Back up the aerobridge
To another gate
Down to another plane-door
At first a full cabin
And a pilot and co-pilot
— Can I help you?
I turn back to the cabin
– Is this what we’re looking for?
Turn back to the cockpit
Nothing
Empty
Back to the cabin
Empty
She takes my hand
Another gate
Another plane
Empty
— You check the cabin.
She turns to the cockpit
Inside the cabin, the air is still
Slowly I walk down the aisle
In the very last row there are two people
One sitting by the window
The other leaning over
They peer out of the window
As I approach I see only the backs of their heads
But as I draw level, I partially see out of their window
Pale blue sky
White clouds slowly passing
Quickly I turn around
Look out the windows on the other side of the aircraft
Airport terminal
Turn back
Clouds
– What…
The two people turn to face me
Myself
And the young woman, smiling
I hear the cockpit door shut with a thud
Step back
Turn and move quickly to the cockpit door
Hand on the handle
Turn
Open
A long white hallway
Holding the door open I look back
More hallway
Face forward
Walk
Until I come to broken glass on the floor
Fanned splash of liquid
I stop at the edge of the smash
Stare
Ahead on the left there is a door
I step carefully around the glass
Stand in front of the door
Pause
It opens
A young woman holds the door open
Reaches in her other hand
— Come with me.
She pulls me in
A hospital
Pale green floor
White walls
Fluorescent light saturating everything
A blur of faces
Doctors, nurses, patients, visitors
The woman leads me through wards
Up stairs
Down hallways flanked by rooms
Offices
Small cafés
Then another ward
Cells of curtained-off beds
— Start here.
She goes to the first bed on the left
I approach the one on the right
The sound of the woman drawing back curtains
Reach forward and do the same
There I lie in the bed, eyes closed
I turn to the woman
Me again in the bed
She moves to the next bed
Draws back the curtain
My face
– What are we looking for?
She doesn’t answer
I move to the next bed
Another me
And another
And another
I reach out slowly towards my own face
Hand hovering above the jaw
— Here.
The woman calls
I go to where she stands
An empty bed
— Quickly, lie down.
I follow her instruction
Lower myself onto the bed
Lie back
Doctors and nurses appear in my vision
They lean over me
I see their mouths move but the sound is muted
They look down at me, then at each-other
Down again
One of the doctors gestures with her hand
The others take hold of the bed
It begins to move
I pull myself up into a sitting position to look for the young woman
Nowhere to be seen
As we pass the other beds I see them between the bodies of the doctors
Each one is empty
Someone puts a firm hand on my shoulder
Pushes me slowly onto my back
They turn the bed around and I travel head first
The ceiling passes from the top of my vision to the bottom
All around the sounds of the hospital create a clatter of white-noise
A sharp impact-shudder in the gurney beneath me
Accompanied by a rattling crash
We’ve hit and passed through a set of doors
Here the noise is more intense
Voices loud and fast
I feel inertia in my body as the gurney is steered
The ceiling rotates
Another crash
This room devoid of voices
Silent save for the occasional beeping of machines
Turn again
Crash
Back to a moderate murmur of voice and movement
A much larger room from the reverberations
Crash
But a voice calls out and I’m stopped beneath the door-frame
—- No not that way, through here.
I’m pulled forward
The doors spring back closed
Rotate
Backwards again down a hall
Crash
Roll to a stop
Silence
No doctors
White ceiling
I sit up
A plain door
Get off the bed and turn around
A long white hallway
Slowly I walk forward
Some ways down I come to broken glass
A fan of liquid
Just ahead on the left, a door
I back away
Turn and run down the hallway
Past the gurney to the door
Open
White hallway
I walk
Come to a door on my right
Then ahead there is broken glass
Liquid fanning away from me
Walk slowly to the broken glass
Down the hall
A gurney
Then a door
Reach for the handle but it turns
Slowly the door opens
A hand on the handle on the other side
Follow the arm to shoulder, neck and face
My face
I step back
The other me, wide-eyed, does the same
We step away from each-other
I turn and run
Up the hall
My foot slips on the spilled liquid
Stumble to the floor
Hand out to the wall to steady myself
Reach for the door-handle
Turn
Open door
A large white room
Canvases mounted on the walls
A short way out from each picture, a white bench
I step in
Let the door close
Walk slowly towards the first image
Oil on canvas
The empty cockpit ofa plane
Another oil on canvas
A crowded bar
A man pushing open a door with the same man pulling it from the other side
A man lying on a hospital gurney
An airport
A hospital ward
A broken bottle on the floor of a hall, a fan of liquid splashed out from the piece of glass
I walk to the next one
A man standing in-front of a painting of a man standing in-front of a painting
I sit down on the bench
Stare
Look to the side
There is a single painting on the far wall
Look the other way
A room full of blank white canvases
Ahead at the painting of the man
Blank
Turn again
But the last painting remains
Stand
Walk slowly towards it
Stop just behind the bench
The window of an aeroplane
A young woman sitting in the middle seat, looking out of the window
The window seat empty
I sit down
Stare at the young woman on her own
She has a small, subtle smile playing at her lips
Left arm on the armrest
Right arm and hand resting on the window-seat beside her
Through the window, blue sky and clouds
I don’t want to look away for fear of the image vanishing
But I hear a door open to my right
Instinctively I turn to look
Just seeing the door slowly close shut
When I turn back to the painting, the image is still there
Look at the door
Stare
Get up
Walk to the door
Stop and hesitate
Look back at the painting
Still there
Inhale
Open the door
A white hallway and a hospital gurney
Walk down the hall
Broken glass and liquid
Door on the left
Open
A crowded bar
People with no faces
Walk slowly to the other end of the bar
Open door
Hallway
Door on the left
Hospital
Walk through the wards
Double doors
Hallway
Door on the left
Gallery
All of the canvases contain images
The one of the man standing in-front of the painting has changed
Now he walks past a painting of a man looking at a painting
Down to the end of the room
Door
Hallway
I stop
No gurney
Walk slowly
A door on the left
No broken glass
Step forward
Hand on the handle
Turn
Open
Muted sounds
Light reverberations
An airport
People here and there, scarce
Attendants at desks
In stores
I walk
Past check-in to the stores and cafés
Through the food-courts to the gates
Walk through security without being noticed
To the first aerobridge
An empty plane
Back to the gates
Down to another plane
Empty
And another
And another
Walk again down a sloping bridge
Another plane that looks just like the others
I step into the cabin
There at the very back, a single figures sits
I slowly walk down the aisle
She sits in the middle seat
Face turned to the window
When I’m almost level with her, I stop
Her left arm on the armrest
Right hand on the window-seat
She stares out of the window
I stare at her
Then she turns to me
Eyes widen ever so slightly
She smiles
I stare
— Come sit here.
She smooths the window-seat with her right hand
I move down to her row
She stands and lets me shuffle past
We sit
I turn to look at her
She smiles again
— Look at that.
Gesturing slightly with her chin
I turn to the window
A pale blue sky lit by a pre-dawn sun
White clouds slowly drifting by
It is beautiful
The woman shifts her weight
Leans across my body to peer out of the window
She finds my hand and laces our fingers
Hands clasped we stare at the sky