Knots | part one

— Jodi?
6:23 PM, overcast
A voice I hadn’t expected
— Joe?
– Camilla.
Pause
— Are you alright?
No
– What can I do for you?
Pause
— Are you sure you’re alright?
– What can I do for you?
— My sister Evelyn, she um,
Evelyn…
I wait
— She says she needs to talk to you, I don’t know why.
– Put her on.
— No she wants to see you.
Pause
Quiet phone static
— Jodi?
– Come over.
— I don’t trust her to drive.
– You too.
Click
I don’t want to hear any more over the phone

Evelyn
Big brother syndrome, but I don’t know who has it worse
Her or me
Camilla’s my age
Something neutral between us
Something dangerous and smelling of explosives
I’m afraid of touching her
I want to touch her
I want to not have to ever deal with her
Turn around and lean on the counter
If I don’t move, I become a piece of the furniture
Invisible
The apartment smells wrong
It should smell like coffee

The light on the machine turns on
I stare at it
Buzz
Walk to the door
Click the release without speaking
Black and white image of two women walking through the main door
Distorted and from above, a fish-eye lens
I unlock the door
Walk to the centre of the apartment
Turn around to face the entrance
Wait
Footsteps
Muffled voices
Hand on the door
More voices, hushed
— … I can’t, I just can’t, just let me…
Evelyn in the doorway
Eyes raw, skin around the eyes red
Camilla, taller only by an inch, behind her
I look at her first
Her look, pleading? Questioning?
Challenging

Evelyn walks to me and she’s in my arms
— Oh god Jodi!
Fresh tears
Camilla enters and closes the door
I gesture to her to the coffee
She goes to the kitchen
Evelyn is squeezing me tightly and crying hard
Camilla returns with a late in one hand, double espresso in the other
She moves her head towards the studio
– Come-on Evi.
The three of us enter the room
Camilla sets down the coffees on the desk
Goes to the door
Gives me one final look before she shuts it behind her
She’ll want me to tell her everything

Evelyn speaks fast between sobs
I know better than to try and make her calm down
She’ll settle with some time
Outside I hear the machine
I wait for the sound of the steamer but Camilla doesn’t heat milk
She must be quite concerned
Or angry
— … I can’t tell her, I can’t tell them either, I just can’t. I don’t know what to do.
Pause
— I’m sorry Joe. I’m sorry to come here and dump this on you.
– Don’t be sorry.
— No I am…
– Don’t be sorry. I’m telling you.
With that big-brother authority voice
She looks at me
Grateful?
I turn away
Warm glass in my hand
I sip
– Don’t let your coffee get cold.
She sips
– Wait here.

Door close, and I know what to expect when I turn around
Turn around
But she isn’t facing me
Camilla looks out of the window, coffee in her hands
Exhale
I go to the phone
Click
Numbers
Tone
—-
– Liam.
Pause
—-
– You know that favour you owe me?
—-
– Yeah that one.
—-
– You guess right.
—-
– That doesn’t matter. Sort it out, make him stop.
—-
– He’s your friend Liam, sort it.
—-
– I’m glad.
Click
— Who’s Liam?
Camilla
I look to the side and she’s facing me
– You don’t know him.
— Evelyn does?
The studio door opens
Evelyn walks to the bathroom
The bathroom door closes
I turn and walk to the studio
Finish the rest of my coffee, barely warm
Take Evelyn’s empty glass
Kitchen
Running water

I look over my shoulder
Camilla empties her glass
Walks to the sink and hands it to me
Turns and leans on the counter
– Evi’s pregnant.
I can feel her staring
– She’s going to keep it.
— Kane?
I shake my head
– Broke up. He was… angry.
She inhales, wants more information
– It’s taken care of.
I finish the dishes
Turn the cups over to dry
— So what now?
And I become very aware of Camilla’s proximity to me
– She doesn’t want to go home.
— Does she want to stay with me?
– She can stay here.
Pause
— I’ll take her to Mom and Dad’s
I nod
– She wants me to tell them.
Pause
Inhale
— I’ll tell them.
– Are you sure?
I’m replaying the forthcoming conversation over and over in my head
All the different ways she might do it
Not many of them good
— If I need to I’ll call you.

She doesn’t like it
Camilla hates that Evelyn hadn’t told her first
That it had to come from me
Worse still she hates that it was the right thing to do
That instead of getting angry, she’d been forced to stay calm
Courtesy of me
And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not
When I close the door after them, I stay there
Leaning against the wall
Listening to their footsteps
I press the monitor button on the screen
Watch them leave
I can feel myself sinking in
Sinking into other people’s lives again
And I hate the feeling