Things Happen

[stop asking stupid questions…when we’re driving in the car]

Him: So… you have depression?

Me: Not really.

So, what do you feel?

Confused

About what…?

If I knew that.. then I wouldn’t be confused.

Ok… well HOW do you feel…

Numb.

To what?

Everything…

Like what?

Like… Anything.

Oh. Whatcha gonna do?

I’ll get through it… I always do.

 

Touching my face, to feel if I’m still there

But my cheeks are salty,

And my hands are shaking.

Laughing at myself,

And wondering at the same time

If I will ever laugh for real in the future.

These hollow gasps for air are

Becoming shallow attempts

At faking my way through

Each day.

 

Twisted thoughts are running

to my tongue

My mind Files and save them

for next time.

Because  I can’t speak much

when I’m under this spell,

I can’t remember the last time

that I felt fine.

 

[I’m now so empty, I’m choking on these words,

And I never thought you wouldn’t be able to save me.]

 

I desperately need to be back in your arms

and to hear your comforting words

that never help me.

This is a life or death

Situation

Like I’ve never felt before

[Weare  worthlessly complete…]

 

But I will not run there

Anymore

Because, everyone knows,

I have never deserved you.

So put the keys back in the ignition,

And keep on going till I’m gone.

Unless you must be mine.

Then I suppose just stop

Listening to me crying,

And never believe me

When I tell you I am fine.

 

[I suppose I’ll resort to keeping my mind off life.]