Discouraged

  Today’s appointment was discouraging… 

I am not really dilated, Since I don’t want an induction, I am waiting. Plus, my cervix is not favorable for one currently. 

She said that maybe my due-date is just off a week or so, and that she will see me next week.

If I wanted surgery again they could schedule it, but since there is no medical reason, there is no medical reason. 

They did a NST. He looks perfect on the monitors. 

So, we wait.  I keep telling myself that I am doing what is best for him. I am not going to do something I feel is wrong in my heart and soul because I am uncomfortable. I have made it this far, what’s another few days? I can’t be selfish, it is not about me here, it is about him. He will come when he is ready

I can’t lie though. I am uncomfortable, I am tired, and I am so ready to not be pregnant. Seriously, between the inability to move and the sickness, I am so done. 

I left the doctors office in near tears. Just feeling defeated somehow… I wish I didn’t know what I know about childbirth, and I wish I were selfish but I am not and I do know things. 

So I wait. 

She did say she thinks the baby will only be 7-8 pounds because externally he is not measuring big. If he were truly 9-10 pounds he would be measuring so much larger than he is. That is encouraging. In a way. 

Travis feels like I will have this baby tonight or tomorrow, because of the major snow storm that has rolled in. He has the van all prepared just in case. My doula, called to tell me if I do have the baby tonight she isn’t coming but sending a lady who is closer. 

The doctor on the other hand feels it will be another week or more. 

I am just discouraged.

You know what isn’t discouraging? ABA starts tomorrow afternoon (provided they are still open from the snow.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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