not over it yet apparently

I do have a happier tone for this entry and I wll get there… but damnit if I’m still not pissed off by the way my MIL is acting. (want the full story, go back an entry) She called Chris yesterday and I came home while she was on the phone with him wanting help setting up her computer or whatever the hell she was trying to do. Its funny to me how she can act like everything is normal. I bet she heard me talking in the background, said nothing to me and I kept my own mouth shut. Then today Chris reads off an email that she sent, one of those annoying forwarded emails that she sends me all the time, except this time. I didn’t get it. So apparently she still isn’t "over it" enough to talk to me. And you know I have been trying so hard to put this past me and not thing about it. Because really… it wasn’t like she and I were that close to begin with so I don’t know why it should upset me that this woman doesn’t like me. Though I am married to her son and I am having her grandchild. But what the hell should that matter. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much, I shouldn’t let it. I shouldn’t care about the names this woman called me…. but I do. I shouldn’t still be angry about it or that she still has yet to apologize or that she has the gall to call Chris and ask him for favors when she still hasn’t apologized for being rude to me or that Chris took the call and helped her out even though she still hasn’t apologized to me. Yet it bothers me. In a way it makes me angry. I can tell that I have let my meditation slip, I need to meditate this weekend and clear my mind of this… maybe a spell would help me. I normally don’t hold on to this like this… its petty but she is being petty too and acting so childish about this. I am so tempted to just kick her off my facebook and myspace friends…. but then wouldn’t that make me the petty one?
 
I thought about being the bigger person in this and writing her an email but at the moment I don’t trust myself to keep calm and level headed while I write… so I will just vent about it here. I’m so pissed at her for acting this way. She is supposed to be an adult, atleast I thought so. But she is acting like a scorned 2nd grader and worse yet, she is acting like my father. I keep trying not to scream and yell about it to Chris because that is his mother but I find it harder to take. I really want her out of my life if she is going to bring drama like this. And I’m fucking pregnant, isn’t it supposed to be free of stress? Ha.
 
I really need to let this go. Its so stupid. She is being so stupid about this. I talked to both Allison and Candice about this and they both agree, no contact until she apologizes. And on the phone yesterday Chris was talking about going to see her when we go up in April and all I can think is "I don’t want to see her that soon" because I know exactly how I will act. I will say nothing and sit quietly until its time to leave and she will read all into that but I don’t care. And especially if she doesn’t apologize before we come up, then I want nothing to do with her. Does that make me immature? Probably. Do I care? Not really.
 
And here I am yet again talking about this stupid petty bullshit, though I keep saying that I’m over it. I shouldn’t be so upset about something I have no control over. People are free to think what they want about people, but I can’t stand when someone has a problem with someone else and they don’t go to that person and talk about it. They go behind their back and talk about it. Why do people do that? Because they are cowards? Because they no they are wrong? Because they think they are better? I don’t understand. But whatever…. I am so tired of talking about this…. so this weekend… one way or another… I am going to let this go.
 
I have no control over what is going on…..
 
There is nothing that I can do to change it…..
 
So why even waste my energy or emotions on it?
 
Oh…. happy entry has been pushed to another time. Sorry



 

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life