changes and details

Well I changed my diary layout. I’m not sure that it will stay this way, but so far I like how it turned out. I found the teddy bear background and fell in love with it. I’m not sure about the clouds, but I found a cute widget for the front page even though it has a different count on it then how far I actually am but I put in the right due date so whatever.

I felt a lot better today then I have in a long time. There were some moments when I felt like crap but it wasn’t all day which was a nice change. I’m hoping that it stays this way but I’m not going to get my hopes up on it. I actually got some much needed house work done. Too bad it was only dishes and there is the whole apartment left to clean, but I figure I will do that over the next 16 days starting on Wednesday. And why you ask? Because Chris leaves for WLC really early Wednesday morning and won’t be done til the 29th when he graduates. It sucks that he is going to be away for 16 days but its better then having him deploy like he was originally. And cleaning the whole apartment will keep me plenty busy, on top of still having to work and sleeping and reading…. I’m hoping it goes by really fast.

Right now Chris is at band practice and I guess since I have nothing else to do I will vent about that for a while. Chris was in the band before he and I got together. Originally it was just Tom, who plays bass and does some vocals, and Chris who is lead guitar and lead vocals. After a while they found Jamie, 2nd guitar, and they really started working. Jamie comes with his own drama. All 3 of them are in the Army. Candice, Tom’s wife, and I became really good friends. And as more and more band drama started we would vent to each other about it and life would go on. Then they brought in Candice’s son Kory to drum since they couldn’t find one. Tom was really hard on Kory and they fought a lot. It caused a lot of stress in Candice and Tom’s marriage. Then Tom started getting out of control. He is now completely obsessed with the band and making it all the way. They are on their 3rd or 4th drummer now and the drummer is like 30, he has no life, no job and texts Tom’s constantly and Tom just feeds on it. He neglects his wife and his family for the band because he thinks that he is going to be a "rock star" but they are just a small band in a town full of small bands. It used to be about playing music because they enjoy playing but Tom is taking all the fun out of it. Yesterday he sent Chris a text message saying that Chris isn’t as commited to the music since he got married to me and that now that we are pregnant maybe he should drop the guitar and just to vocals. He wants to practice 3 times a week. They are already practicing 2 times a week now and even that is hectic. We have no time to do anything on days that there is practice because it just eats the night away. I am missing out on my 2nd to last night with him before he goes to WLC because there is band practice.

I’m sorry that all Tom talks about is music. He doesn’t even go to work anymore because he sits on myspace all day and adds a million people to their band page. He doesn’t do anything but fight with Candice and its put strain on the whole band. Tom almost walked out on Candice over music…. flippin music…. can you get any more pathetic? Chris loves playing and they had a live show and it went over well and Chris had a lot of fun. I don’t want him to quit because I know that music is his passion but Tom is ruining it for him and pissing me off. Its a band that was supposed to be fun, they won’t be rock stars but they have Rod, the drummer with no life, and this screamer… Mike I think… and they all think they are going to hit it big and its just so stupid.

And unfortunately when they do play shows I won’t be able to stay long since you can smoke inside bars and resturants here in NC ( I miss that about Jersey) and since I’m pregnant I can’t be around the smoke. I support Chris and I like most of the music but seriously, Tom is ruining it for everyone because all he cares about is getting out there and getting popular.

So you all can see why this just irritates the living hell out of me.

I don’t know whats going to happen, and I don’t want this baby to cause Chris to have to leave the band because I know how much he loves it…. but if Tom keeps pushing the issue then I don’t know what will happen.

I just want Chris to be happy and excited about the baby…. and I know that he is…. but there is so much else going on right now… I think its taking away from the excitement of us being pregnant.

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life