you’re building a mystery

Went to classes today… heh interesting. How is it that I somehow keep getting caught up in conversations about Iraq?! Hmmm i wonder… fate and signs… anyway.

So after classes I went back home and worked on my room so more… I got the closet done and my desk is almost done which leaves the bed and the dresser and the random bags of trash to get rid of… then all that is left is some paint and a window… fabric for curtains… a carpet… a heater (maybe cause the weather is warming up) and maybe a new desk that can fit a computer since I am going to start saving for one soon. The progress is good and I hope that maybe I can move in this week or next week. I have to speak with my father first and see if he actually has time for me.

Andrew followed me home from work… atleast I think it was him… it said DISTANCE on the back of the car so I am guessing… hmmmm?!

Today has been amazing! Even though the weather started out bad… there was a chill and a lot of clouds. It looked like it was going to rain, but by 2pm it was beautiful. The sun was out and it smelled like Spring. Flowers are blooming and I am going to have to start working on my garden once school is over. I walked outside in the sun, its rays hitting me and warming me. All I could do was stand there and let the breezes blow across my skin and bask in the moment. I couldn’t help but smile. I am so happy. I am lucky to be alive. I am happy to be alive. To stand there by myself, on my own, and be happy and content. It made me realize just how far I have come and all that I have accomplished. Sure I still have a ways to go before I become known to myself, but I am on the right track. I am realizing just how ok I am with things. In a way it scares me, I have become so used to hurting, to being angry, to hating life and everything about it but I don’t feel that way. I am happy inside, truely happy.

Standing there this afternoon I realized that my life is good and my future going to be brilliant. I have a lot more to work on…. school, still some healing that I have to do within myself and a lot of that healing I know that I have to do on my own. I know some of the healing I cannot do on my own… but soon I will be able to really truely heal my heart, I think, I hope.

I think about everything that I have and I realize just how lucky I am. I have my family (mum, ally, rebecca, david, my grammommy) and my friends (Chris, Sam, Aaron, Sabrina, John, Jon), I have Amanda, I have Rob, and my intelligence, I have my artistic ability, I have my musical talent, I have my spirital beliefs, I have my health, I have my future, I have my dreams, I have love in my heart and people that love me. I am so lucky in life and I am finally seeing that. Material posessions aside I am lucky just in life, and I want to keep this feeling for the rest of my life. I know there are dark times ahead for me… I know that fear and worry will find its way into my heart and my mind for the next year or two, but that doesn’t change how I feel about life. I am strong and I can be strong.

I love my life and I plan on loving it and every moment that I have of it. I only have this life to live, and I plan on living it to the fullest extent.

"Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away"                                                  and I just had another moment