have you got it in you?

So I am still following the horizon and walking down the road to self improvment and growth. I went out with Amanda last night… it was fun. I saw Geoff last night too… he stopped by my house. I didn’t really have time to talk with him and I think he is mad at me again, but I do want to hang out with him soon, catch up…. things like that. Maybe soon?

Amanda and I went to the mall…. disappointed with what we saw we ran to Target instead. I got myself some Slimquick diet pills. Amanda said she had been taking them and they had been working so I figured I would give them a try. They also help with your mood, a picker-upper which is nice. I started them this morning and I have had energy like you would not believe. I need to go out and buy a scale to I can watch my progress. I am still going with my morning workout but not as many days as I would like so I have to really get on that. I also got some vitamins for my hair, skin, and nails since my hair is being ultra stubborn and refusing to grow, which isn’t cool. So I am going to see if those work out for me. I want to buy some weights and really get back into shape. Summer is coming and I need to lose some weight, improve my self image and generally get healthy. The diet pills help me not drink soda since I am not supposed to drink caf drinks with them, so no more soda for me… lots and lots of water.

But doing all that is only the physical side of it… and I have mental and emotional growth to do as well. I started playing my flute agian, and I want to work on my car. I am buying some Wicca supplies if I have money left over and I am trying to acquire some more Wiccan friends to help me in that aspect. School is helping with some of the mental… giving me something to focus on. I am excited about doing my room, not so much about living with my parents again, but if I need to get away I have Chris’s place, so I don’t think I am that bad off there. I want to start writing a lot more… and I got myself a livejournal too. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be writing here… believe me I will be and noting and keeping up with everything so don’t worry… I just want another place to write things down… I have been in this crazy mood, wanting to write all the time. I want to get back into my poetry and am thinking about writing a book… I’m not sure. I am focusing on my friends more and not guys. Am I interested in anyone… yeah, in a way, but I am not hardcore looking for someone. Its weird… I’m not really used to being single and being ok with it, but I have found this happy medium in life and I feel good about where I am.

Love is just so complicated… so many emotions and compromises and clashing attitudes. But I will miss the kissing and the cuddling and the romantic things that a bf would normally do, but I feel like I can function without those things now. I feel like I will be ok. I know that out there somewhere is the guy for me… whether I have met him already or not doesn’t matter, because he is out there and our paths will cross one day.

This whole semi-optimistic attitude is foreign to me. I am not used to feeling happy with me and where I am and what I am doing. People have been picking up on my change in attitude and telling me how proud they are of me. Its a welcome change from what people have been saying to me. I am getting rid of the negative and looking at the positive as much as I can. There is a huge world out there and I am just a small part of it, but the part that I affect I want to be good and I want it to mean something.