is this the end… or should I keep fighting*edit*

So I don’t know if anyone caught it but before the poem that I posted was also a fav only entry… but I guess I will go on more about Andrew. So last night I went to Chris’s for our nightly 24 watching. I got food and watched 24… Andrew was on the phone again. Then when we got back to my mum’s place he said that he was going to stay for a bit and talk to Ally so I said ok. I went driving to my new CD that I just burned, got some soda and went to his place to study and do some homework. He talked to his mum for I don’t even know how long… and I had to get up at 6 am so I went to bed before he was done talking.

He is still bringing up old gf and how they always screw him over, but whatever… I will let that go. So that brings us to today.

I had my classes and went to my mum’s to talk to Ally before work. She told me that Andrew was just here and he was really pissed off at me. She said that I am just like Kim was right before they broke up and that I am a bitch and that I don’t take care of him… that I just make his life more stressful. WTF?! Was he fucking serious?! I have been killing myself to take care of him, but I don’t now? I am a bitch? I am just like Kim? Why am I putting up with this bullshit?

So I went to his place to confront him about it. I was strongly considering breaking up with him… but I figured I would talk to him first. So after talking to him all he can come up with is sorry…. not like that really helps anything. If he loved me he would have never said such hurtful things about me, behind my fucking back, to my sister!!!!! So I tried to explain to him that he needs to think about what he says before he opens his mouth. He reads into everything that I do… and he isn’t reading it right. I tired to tell him about his negative ways… that there are people trying to help him, but they don’t want to be around him sometimes with the way he acts and the way he treats people. I tried to tell him that he is falling down this hole and that he is pulling everyone who cares about him with him… and it isn’t fair. There are things that I don’t do and haven’t done to be there for him, but he thinks that I don’t take good care of him?!

It’s not fair….

I don’t know if anything that I said got through to him… if he will better himself in order to make his own life better. I mean, if he doesn’t want to then that is fine, but I have fought long and hard to get here where I am… and I will be damned if I let him pull me back down. I was trying to be ok with what happened… then he said, "If you want to leave I don’t blame you… if it was me in your place I would have left a long time ago." So the little bit of anger that had burned off while we were talking came back full force… all rage and venom. So I said that didn’t make me feel any better and left for work. How am I supposed to take that… to know that I am fighting to deal with him and everything that goes along with him, but that if it was the other way around that he wouldn’t fight to be with me and would have left…. comforting… or not.

So wtfe… I don’t know what to think anymore… with the way that he is treating me I don’t know if I should stay.

But I am not thinking about it now…. I am going to see Blood and Chocolate with Ally…. sister time… heh!

Maybe I will edit later…

*****EDIT*****

So now Andrew is in the hospital and has been there since 6pm and its now 11:18. There is talk of him spending the night. I swear… its just one fucking thing after another. Its snowing… I have class tomorrow… I am tired but not… still pissed off at him for everything about today. I give up, at least for right now. And his mum is there and I don’t want to deal with her right now… I don’t think that she likes me very much since she knows that Andrew and I have been fighting and I have a feeling that she blames me for it. So I think that I am going to be sleeping on the couch at my parents… and I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to suck so bad right now.