getting off my lazy ass

Chris and I had a talk today. A long talk…

I am worried about him…. he said that he doesn’t care about anything anymore. He said that he was thinking of selling his car… I mean seriously selling his car. For him to do that… to say that… something bad is happening! I want to help, but he won’t let me.

He said that the reason that he is kicking me out is because he was going to get rid of the house. He said that he can’t afford it anymore and he has to get rid of it or know that he/we can afford it for a year. He also said that he reason he can’t and won’t be with me anymore is because he thinks that he can’t trust me… which means that I have to build and work on him trusting me again. He said that keeping the house is up to me… if I can get some people to move in and I get another job and help with the rent that we will keep the house.

So it is time for me to take some control and improve on the things that I can… and I can improve Chris’s trust in me… I have to show him that I am willing to work for the house… work for us. And I am more then willing to do that!

So I am going to try and find a new job… and my sister and Eric are going to move in and pay rent. And I will be able to contribute money if I get another job. Sure I will have a lot less time, but it will be more then worth it. I will have my classes and my fun job with the kids… then I can work at the Borgata hopefully (I am applying now) and help take some stress away from Chris. He sold the turbos for his car to pay for rent… I had no idea it was that serious. I wish that he would have told me… I would have started this a while ago. He also said that he had no time to even work out how he felt and try to work on himself because he is so stressed about the house and money. So if there is some way that I can help with that… I am more then willing and able.

Besides…. I don’t have a bf so what do I care. I will be away from the house, but I will still have my freedom… no parents to worry about. And I will feel important and useful. Besides… I don’t have enough money for me anyway. So this will help out more then just Chris.

Maybe I am crazy, maybe Chris and I will never work… but if there is something or anything that I can do to help… I am willing. I know that Chris and I have much to work on… have much to repair, but I love him with every ounce of myself… I am willing to fight for us so that he can have a chance to work on us.

I will not give up hope!