good day

Today has been an insane day. Chris left for work and I sat at home and tried to study. When he got home I told him that the computer was broken. He spent the next couple hours trying to fix it. Then we went to the Cherry Hill Mall and he got me some things for school.

Then we were going to Depford mall and my sister called. She started this huge fight about Chris and I and what was happening. Which ended with Chris and I getting into a huge fight and yelling at each other. My sister asked to talk to him and he got angry at her. He told her that he didn’t feel the same about me and that he didn’t think that I was the one for him anymore. He said that he was devastated by what I did to him and to us, and he was no longer in love with me because the love he once had for me died.

I was such a mess after hearing that. We got into a big fight. I was in tears.

Then we started talking. We sat on the couch and he pulled me into his lap and let me lay my head on his chest. We watched some tv while I calmed down. Soon after that we were playing around on the couch and flirting in a way. It was nice, so nice to just be able to be friends with him. Even though there was some kissing it was still nice to just be able to play fight with him without all the relationship stress.

We watched tv together… and then someone from Cheerleaders called and asked Chris to come and see them. I let Chris go… I didn’t get upset… I didn’t get angry… and I let him go without any issues. I know that in order for anything to happen between us I need to give him space.

Before he left I asked him to not close his mind off to us being able to work something out. Since he told me before that he didn’t see himself with me. He said that he was enjoying the time we spent together today and that he wanted to spend more time together working on our friendship and helping me through this. Then when I was better and more over everything we could work on our friendship and getting back to the way we were before we were together and then maybe build a relationship on top of that.

That is all I needed to hear… just to know that he was still open-minded and that there was still a chance that he was willing to give me. That is all I have ever wanted out of all of this. I will never give up on this love that I have for him, but I know that I need to be able to move on from the old so that we can start something new and hopefully better.

Chris is an amazing man… he has such a big heart… he just doesn’t believe that its still alive, but I know different and today/tonight I saw his heart open more and more to our friendship and that made the sick feeling in my heart go away for a short time.

I hope that he isn’t gone too long tonight… I hope that we get to watch the movie we were going to watch together tonight. But he said that he wanted to spend more time together and maybe see a movie on Wednesday. I means a lot to me to have the friendship back with Chris. I will start with that… and maybe we will grow from there. All I have is hope… hope in myself… hope in Chris… hope in us… and hope in the future that I can have the beautiful family that I know that I can have with Chris.