something I forgot to say

I know that I have a lot of favorite entries to catch up on and I plan on doing that soon. Just with everything going on I don’t really have the time… but I plan on starting that soon. For everyone that messaged me I will reply… I just need time and energy.

The fall semester starts tomorrow… something to help take my mind off everything. And I am looking at joining an online Wicca college, which I am actually really excited about. I also plan on emersing myself in drawing again. I want to be able to be strong on my own… I want to be able to feel some semblence of whole on my own… I have never had that before and maybe for the future relationships that I may have that will be better..

Chris did say that he wanted things to work out with us in the end… my goal is to make it to Christmas, if I make that then Easter… if I make that then my 23rd birthday. And inside of every large goal will be a small one. Like going one day without crying… being able to hug Chris and put aside my love and anger towards him and just enjoy the friendship that we are trying to salvage.

I had vacation with him and we talked about many things and made the most wonderful love, but I must move on from that and look ahead to a future alone. I am a woman… I am a Wiccan… I am a soon to be elementary school teacher… and with all of that I am strong. Somewhere inside of my misery and anguish is the strength to survive and I will get there… I just have to forget about love and focus on life.

I hate life sometimes, but life is my goal right now and love is just something that I don’t have the time or the luxery of having right now