time for the doctor yes?

The day started out like any other normal Monday. Geoff had work at 6am and I had to leave for school at 8:30 to get to class by 9am. My was bitching and complaining about me and Geoff and my so-called father.  I came home and burned some Cds which I have been waiting to do forever. It was nice. My sister came home early and we got to talk for a while. I had a quiz in Sociology of the Family today so I knew that I had to study. I went to work and was excited about getting to study for my first quiz/test of the semester with Geoff. While at work I got this really bad headache. Fun stuff.

When I got home from work I called Geoff and found out that he had a really bad migraine. I could tell as soon as he came over my house. You could see the pain in his face so I made him take some Aleve and lay down. He had trouble getting to sleep at first and was tossing and turning so I made him get in my bed. I ran my nails across his head for about 5 min and he was out. I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to get to study or spend time with Geoff since it was only 7pm and he was already asleep, but I wasn’t mad at him. Its not his fault that he didn’t feel good.

I studied for a bit and then chris called me. I quickly grabbed my phone as to not wake up Geoff who was still asleep. I texted back and forth with chris for a while. He asked if he could call. Geoff was still asleep and I was so tired of studying so I decided to take a break and give chris a call since I hadn’t talked to him since the fight that we got into the other weekend. It was an okay conversation. We talked about him and me. We talked about us, rather the lack there of. We talked about the future and us being friends. We talked about all the shit that is going on at my house and how chris feels really bad and wants to help.

It was a good conversation and it really made me start to think. The whole reason that he called was because he was worried about me. When we got into the fight I told him that I was considering getting help. He thought that I was kidding at first, but then he remembered the look in my eyes. Chris and I have history and he knows me to a point. He knows the look. He was afraid that I had broken my promise about not cutting. I told him that I hadn’t, but I had thought about it. He said that he didn’t really want me to get help and he thought that I was strong enough to deal with everything on my own. I still haven’t decided what to do yet and I told him that I didn’t know.

He just got me thinking about cutting and the last time I did. I tired not to think about it. I wrote some poems. Geoff woke up and I asked him if he was hungry since he hadn’t really eaten all day. My mum had brought KFC home so I got dinner for Geoff and I had a banana. Geoff said that he felt badly that he didn’t help me study, but I told him not to worry about it. I wasn’t mad at him and it wasn’t his fault. I asked him if he wanted me to lay down with him.

We went to bed.

Around 1am my stomach was bothering me again. It has been happening on and off for about a month or so. It is this horrible, painful throbbing. It only happens at night and no other time. I don’t know what to make of it, but I usually just deal and force myself back to sleep. Geoff said that he was going to go home which meant that I was going to have to get up and make Geoff lunch (not because he is making me, but because I wanted too). My stomach was killing me and I was walking around hunched over. Then that awful feeling washed over me. My fingers started to go numb and then my toes and I know exactly what that means. . . I am about to pass out. I tried to keep it together and I thought that I was doing ok. I leaned of Geoff and I remember him calling my name and telling me to go lie down and then. . . . . . . . . .

I am on the floor in my kitchen. Geoff is leaning over me, lightly hitting my face telling me to wake up. I don’t remember much except him telling me that he was going to wake my mum and take me to the hospital. I told him not to and that I was just going to go back to bed. . . . . . . . . . *parts missing*. . . . . . . . . He carried me to the couch. . . . . *parts missing* . . . . . . I didn’t end up going to the hospital and Goeff just sat there on the couch, looking off into space with this look on his face that even I can’t explain. I know that I scared the shit out of him. He helped me into my room and back to my bed. He lay there with me. . . . I fell asleep.

When I woke up this morning I felt fine. My stomach felt fine, my head felt fine. Everything fine. I told my mum about it and she said that I should go to the doctor. Geoff didn’t seem upset at all this morning. His voice sounded normal, not like last night. I guess he got over whatever it was that he was thinking in his head. I don’t know

I guess that leads me to now. I just got home from school. I have work in about 1/2 an hour and then when I get home Geoff has to go to class and won’t get back until close to 10pm. By the time he gets here he will be tired so another night of no real Geoff time. I see a trend starting. . . . a trend that I don’t like and that I know all too well since I had to deal with the same thing when I was with chris. Never getting to spend any real time together cause by the time Geoff sees me he is tired and wants to go to bed. I get sick of that happening. Hopefully this stops in the next couple of weeks and Geoff and I can actually spend time together rather then just be in the same room.

What a good way to start the week. . . I can’t wait to see how the rest of it goes. Ha!