my ability to forgive is gnna kill me.

I am not kidding..Im pretty effing god natured about alot of things.

 

After I blow my top and you dont desert me..

I might even forgive you again.

What fucking kills me is the games I go through.

Lemme break it down for you.

I like caleb..I like caleb alot.

But.  ANd this is a big but.

I feel like I am always having to ask him if he likes me.

If he wants me around..

And As usual..When I get so mad I am about to go

Fuck you..dont talk to me is when he does what..

Oh come on now guess..

I f you guessed call me or text me you are right..

Here is a gist of a text message conversation i just had with him about 38 minutes ago.

Siarai: I am tired of being up at night wondering if you like me,Its like I have no control of my brains at all.

So do me a favor dont contact me because you feel you have to. Dont text me because its convinient and you want to come over at 1 am. Please whatever you do cut the bs and just tell me what I am doing feeling what I feel for you when it feels completely one sided.

Caleb: I am sorry you feel this way. I have problems expressing my emotions. I dont ignore you, Or not tell you that I like you or that I think you are awesome on purpose. I just have problems saying things like that in general. I have problems with my feelings and my moods.

SIarai: So honestly lets just cut the bs, I am being brutually honest with you because I want to know the truth. AM I wasting my time having these feelings for you?

Caleb: I dont know.. I hope you arent. I would like to get to know you better. I am just going through some things.

 

 

……………Its maddening.

I go through things..

I dont ignore people.