A little bit of me lives in you.

I know it is a hard thing to grasp baby but a little bit of me lives in you.
I know it is a little bit hard to understand but my body no longer aches when you hold my hand.
It is not as complicated as it might seem. The way I feel. The way I dream.
It all boils down to what is really true.
Because without my heart this way I wouldnt know you.
I like to think it was meant to be for me to ache for you like this.
I like to think it was meant to be for me to yearn for your kiss.
I would like to ponder until the time how you can ache this mind of mine and in simple words.
Without rhyme or reason. I can love you from season to season.
And hold for you a most special place that grows warmer as you brush my hair for my face. Or lust and desire.
It grew to love. And we share our hearts and I know.
Yes I know.
I do not doubt what this word love is all about because I can share my scary secrets.
My worst fears. I can share it all with you.
And you love me anyway Just as I love you.
II know how you feel when the dark creeps in and you want to slink between blankets and pillows.
Caressing tears rolling down your cheeks as you stare blankly at a wall and overthink every thought in your head.
I know because that is me too.
I know how it feels to just have these overthinking moments where it all sinks in and you worry until you go mad inside.
I know because that is me.
And here is the biggest thing to understand.
You are not alone when you feel like this. I am here. ANd I love you.
…………………
I just wanted to make that known for D.
So I am gonna go to bed and maybe Paint when I wake up. I had an equally bad brain day.
I got asked way too many questions about Tj. And the childsupport and the whole issue from my extended family.
I ended up feeling like crap by the end of the night.
 I got yelled at when I came into work. And I think all the stress just crashed on me and I had a very..very bad time with it.
I don’t really know who to talk about this when I feel like that and usually I bottle up inside until I feel like I am going to explode.
But I ended up texting with D about it. Lemme tell you..I felt like someone got it anyway. I love him for that. I am sorry baby if it felt like i was dumping on you at all. I hope it didnt seem like that.

….
Sometimes I just get these urges. To sleep and not wake up. To disapear and stay gone.
I just go through these fucked up frames of mind where it all hurts so much I dont know if I can take anymore.
I was having one of those moments tonight.
And again THANK YOU HONEY.
You save my sanity more then you realize and thanky you miss jamie for taking my mind off it.
You two are incredible ya know.
I still feel sort of fucked up but not as bad as I did feel.
I think im gonna sleep until the sad goes away..or until I wake up which ever happens first.
And please people dont point out obvious things like..You have no eason to be sad and so on.
Depression isnt something you can just turn off. IT is more complicated then that.
…..
Adios,Siarai