What’s going on inside of me?

Another heartbreak
my music

*tell me whats going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior this only serves to confirm my sucspicions,That I am still a girl in need of a savior*

All I want is to be in the light. But I got lost in the dark sometime some were.

Did my shine get lost when I thought I was right? when I was so wrong.

The bad part the one I really like. Really like. Will never be mine. I could never touch him the way he touched me. I can never love him like he loved me.Why? He won’t let anyone in. He won’t let anyone touch his soul. He wont let them.

It hurts me that he is that closed off. But He is. Not much I can do about it.

I can not call him. No matter how much I want to make his pain subside. No matter how much I want to heal this open wound inside of him. Why? I dont think he really wants to be healed. He needs that pain. I think it keeps him going. It makes me sad. Very sad.

…………

SO anyway:)

Things I did today. I went to breakfast with Jamie and Jared today.Then all hell__o broke out. Big discussion. Big fight..It was pretty outthere. I think it got fixed though. 🙂 Anyway.

So I worked today. 10 pm to 7 am. I saw the cute railroader today. Although..It was one of those strange awkward moments where for some reason my brain wouldnt think. I couldnt talk like a normal person. I just sort of stuttered,Mumbled said some really retarded things and then I turned around and he was gone…

He prolly thinks I am really stupid.Lol. He be right based on that conversation. Gah.

Cute boys that are also intelligent make me all stupid everytime.Gah.*kicks herself*

 

*rain.Rain on my face..hasnt stopped raining for days*

bah. Maybe I can dig myself out of this I sweaar I am not retarded and have a normal conversation with him.

I talk to mister inapropraite on the phone and I dont act stupid:P

SO why does that rail roader guy make me do that?

no..seriously. I wanna know.

Well enough rambling. I do that too much.

Anyone know what edicus means?

Adios,Siarai