I thought I might say. I missed you.

MR. BRIGHTSIDE (The Killers)

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My mood: nastoligic. Sad. Worried. Looking forward for tomorrow.

My song for today: Mr Brightside, by the killers

Quote of the day: I once was forlorn, I was sure I would cry but I am afriad I just don’t have the time. I thought I would break, I thought I would, I guess I misdiagnosed you. No longer my weakness. I can be strong, I can say no Hope fully.

…

So today was adventful. I woke up, Had some chai tea..because it is unbeilievably yummy, did my yoga, did school with my son. Then I worked on my project for the kids I might be helping with at my parents church. We are having this big blow out thing for kids at our church. It is medival themed. So I was building a castle for most of my day.

then around 4 pm my mom came home from work and we took my cardboard castle to church. Around 634pm we got hungry so we went to a restaurant about 15 minutes away and had some thing to eat. Then we got back in the van and drove back to the church to set up all of the decor. Around the time we were driving back, Tj called. He said I want to talk to you and say goodbye to bud before I head back to Nc. I was like ok and he came over. We talked about alot of stuff somethings i was ok with talking about and somethings that reminded me just how much he hurt me.

The conversation went like this..

I said" So are you still going to Iraq in three monthes?"

He said"No they want me to get my things together"(meaning our divorce)

He then asked" What are you hoping to get out of this divorce?"

I said" child support, back child support and mostly all of the custody."

The wierd thing was is he agreed with all of this.

Then he asked me" What did my mom write when she emailed you?"

I said" The same hurtful mean things she has been sayign for years"

He said" Next time when she mails you something send it to me"

I said" you never check your mail"

He said" Yes I do, I just don’t write back"

Then he said" I am sorry for all the things I did to you. Why did you leave exactly?"

I thought on what to say," I dont think I can just mention one thing that really drives it home. I think the last two years was just pure hell. That and being told you would rather die in Iraq then try to make our marriage work doesnt exactly help"

He said" I didnt say that"

I said" should i call my sister? you said it front of her."

He said"No, I probably did say it. I just don’t remember.I was an ass."

I want to be friends or at least try.

I said’ you always say that and I always get hurt’

He said" I really mean it this time. I really want us to try to be friends. I am paying for this divorce, what do i have to say to prove I want to be friends?"

I said" I don’t want you to prove anything to me."

He said"ok"

then he said"I just want you to know I am dating your friend Jamie H."

OK. I said.

Then he played with bud.

then he said" I want you to tell Rose I will miss her"(one of my alters)

I cant tell her lol..But it was nice he at least gave mention that he knew I am still who I always was, It hurts though because he could never acknowledge he knew who I was before.

…Then I came home. Oh and sometime before i came back from eating I bought girl scout cookies. The peanut butter choc covered ones. yummmmmmm…I love cookies:D

Anyway have a grand ol day.

Siarai