Well this goes out to…me

So my day consisted of:

(1)Talking to my exhusband(more on that later)

(2.)writing poetry.(more on that later)

(3.)Playing with my son.

(4.)Worrying,feeling not quite there. But blissfully not there like..Ladefuckin da…I just don’t care.:)

So anyway here is my Of the Day things:

Mood of the day:Blissfully Entertained,Almost annoying even.

What I am wearing:Black half shirt,multicolored stripped socks that go to my knees and Little bitty boxers that says Phunk You on the top..

Hair:Pigtails again..It is getting really long now so it is either cut it..Or put it in pigtails.:)

So what happened today I wrote poetry and I mean alot of it.Like Over nine pages of it..My friend Tony said to pick the ones that jump out of me..So I picked the two out of both categories I gave him that I loved the most..so  I hope you like them.

And You.

I knew that the dark drew near,I whispered it to you.

I knew that I had no fear, and I said it clearly to you.

But you ran away and left me to blame.

Where it all goes tumbling down the wishing well

I knew you then in my private hell.

You once was my haven,guarding me silently ever so watchful.

Now you are my demon digracing me with my sin.

Until I give in.

Afraid to fail you.

But I caught the cords,I tossed away the locket that binds.

So I had no doubts no regrets.

But you.

….

ANd here is the not so angry one:)

Miracle child

I loved to hear you gasp.

I loved t o hear you coo

I loved to silently sing in my heart and just admire you.

I loved to hold you close.

I loved to watch you dream.

My miracle. My sweet saving grace.

>>

So I lied there is yet one more..

Heavens Tears

I knew it when I opened my heart,

You would come tumbling in.

I knew when i gave up,

I would let you have my sin.

I knew when my heart whispered,

I could not tell you a lie.

I knew if I told the truth.

I wouldnt die.

I gave it all to chance and fate..

things fairy tales are made off and I just made a friend let it go.

What else is there to do.

But just be true.

to all the beauty I see in you.

…..

Tis it for the poems.

Onto the exhusband thing..So this makes the fifth time he has called me.Our conversations are just wierd and awekward. But we do seem to have no trouble talking about Bud for 30 minutes at least.

I havedecided to forgive but not forget. Maybe I am just kinder then i give myself credit.

It makes the letting go easier I think.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I have had a hard last year it seems and alot of it has to do with the just letting him Go,Just letting the pain go and just moving on..

But I am strong and I believe i can do it. Just one more thing to survive just another thing to push through.

Siarai