damn life

I haven’t written anything over here in a while. I’m at work and bored out of my mind. Dan broke up with me on the 30 of march. He called me in the afternoon, it was like 20 celcius outside, he called at 5 45 asking me to go for a walk b4 the sun came down, because it was so nice outside. I was so happy that he finally wanted to do something with me. We went for a 2 hour walk, and he kept saying, whenever i was asking him: baby are you okay? he would answer: don’t worry, everything is going to be okay – i hate him so much, I can’t stop thinking about him – i hate him for making me fall in love with him.

i’m ashamed of myself for wantng to be with someone who’s not worth it – he couldn’t even pay me a coffee two weeks ago – a freakin 8$ coffee – i had to pay, i always paid eveything – even on my birthday i paid – and he’s always stuck to him mom, i can not believe it – why am I in love with someone like him – i need a rebound and forget about him. This week-end, i left for miami, for two days, i so didnt care, i just needed to get away and forget about him. And all I did was think about how I would have loved for him to be there and relax in the nice weather. I’m such an idiot- he doesn’t deserve me, I’m too nice.

Now, i’m at work with a sun burn, i have nothing to do – this is one of the most boring job i have ever had – i wish I could do something else, move away – in one of my previous entries I wrote that I always run away to some south american country – well if tomorrow morning someone offered me a job in Miami, i would take it – I have nothing left in montreal – no boyfriend, a job i don’t think i like, i hate this city and the weather, and I want to meet someone different, someone that knows how to treat me right – Damn green cards- the planet should belong to everyone as long as u pay the freakin taxes.

I mean, i have a diploma, i speak 3 languages, i’m friendly, and i can do and learn everything – I need to get away from here. Even if i have a great position in this company, I don’t feel it –

I wish he could call, i miss him so much, but he doesn’t want me – it feels awful, and the worst is he doesn’t care. – i have to be strong, but i’m so tired, I can not be strong anymore – even if i look healthy with my burned face (g-od it hurts, i should have used sunscreen) – i feel miserable inside, like a part of me is missing. I’m crazy to think about him – he’s a looser, cheap, a mama’s boy, everything I hate – and no worst, he has no respect for me. He s so sure about himself, i never met someone so cocky – sometimes i wonder if he pretends to be as cocky bcs he has no self confident – i shouldn t even give him the time of the day – and here i am writing about him – please g-od help me go through this – i can not live without him and i can not be with him – the worst in this story, is that i’m so disgusted by him, andi’m sure IF (which I doubt) he wants to get back with me, I would say yes.

I’m an idiot, can someone please put some sens into my head.