about to go to sleep
so tomorrow is the big day, i’m starting my first real job – i dont think i,m scared, and frankly i don,t feel like anything. I’ve been sick all wek end, on echinecea and pills – i really hope i’ll be better by tomorrow, I just took some sirup and am about to go to bed. This week end was somehow nice. after my entry on friday, Dan and I cooked super, i wasn’t that hungry so I only had soup – but g-od know how much wine I drank – eventually I was gone, and horny. I wanted Dan so much, for once I felt again happy and in love – we had sex, or love, i dont know, it was just great, and we finished super – we then fell asleep. Saturday morning, we got up again and made love again, we then went for breakfast and decided to go to Le Salon de l’Amour et de la Séduction – it wasnt what i was expecting. They did the show at the olympic stadium and it completly sucked, 12$/person for crap – it felt like going into a giant sex store – we though we were gonna learn new tricks, or have professionals on the site to talk about special topics – but nothing, it was so uncomfortable and the environment just awful. We didnt even stayed 1 hour, and even if we wanted to, there was nothing to see. we went back home, both dead, i had stopped at the pharmacie to get the medication and at night we went to this buffet place – we finished the night watching Lord of War with Nicolas Cage – what a great movie, seriously the cinematography was just great, the images, .. i really liked it. today was a normal day, and hum, i felt a little depressed. we had lunch with Kate and then we went around town till we finally came back home around 5pm- we did some laundry and we cooked dinner – i was a bit pissed, bcs this morning Dan was like: well tonight im having dinner with Jay. i was like: since when?, him: i told you on friday. Me: well starting my new job tomorrow and all, i though i could have dinner with you tonight, and it just seems normal, can t u pospone ur plans with jay. Him: no it s something we really have to do. And of course, who cancelled the plan: Jay. why? bcs Gigi’s flight back to boston got cancelled bcs of the storm. In a way i was happy, but on the other i was like, ok so now it s okay to spend time with me – anyhow – later during the night, Dan could feel that i wasn’t feeling that great, I got a bit sad, and he said: babes, what’s wrong? it feel like ur thinking that it’s the last time we are gonna see each other, you are holding me as if i’m going, or you are going on this big trip? well yeah, this is how i felt, i just want to enjoy every moment with you. sometimes i wonder, is it so bad to show feelings, to enjoy the moment, to be scared that this might be the last time that you hold the person, bcs u never know what could happen, i could actually not wake up tomorrow, or get hit by a bus, or … seriously, what s wrong with wanting to show affection? anyhow, at that moment i started feeling more uncomfortable bcs i knew he was forcing himself to hug – so when I saw that crossing jordan was a repeat, i asked him to bring me home- i dont know why i get so sad- i guess i love him – more then i should, and he doesn t realise what good is infront of him.
Good luck with the new job.
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