i vow to proactively celebrate you

too wordy but it’s what we decided we needed to do / to regain the urgent focus we once had (five some years ago) / i like simply "renew" but it really does not embrace the details as well as is needed / and the proactive part is really key / we each need to be driven to identify and seize any situation to delight or even excite one another without being asked / to celebrate one another / to co-conspire / the idea that we both enthusiastically participate in that which gives each other joy and the rush and the dream…

and we need to see ourselves only in the light of each other’s eyes / how the world sees us or how we have been taught to see ourselves be damned / those old tapes only serve to undermine our joy / to waste precious time and opportunities… 

now this is not to say that we can’t allow ourselves the luxury of just relaxing together / kicking back at home without any plan or effort other than just spending time together…

all this really demands our attention to the exclusion of all the outside clamor that has occupied our focus and caused us to lose our way / to not just give what was left over / but really putting one another first / this may be the cause of some critical reactions by some of those who have demanded or at least recently occupied our focus / so be it…

 

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April 24, 2011

Your incredible relationship has always been inspirational. You reaffirmed that. Peace to you.

to put it crudely WAHOO! more sex time!! lololol

April 24, 2011

*smiles* Good for you.

good!

April 24, 2011

I have know idea what’s going on in your lives, but wish you both well.

April 25, 2011

This sounds like a giant step towards making your relationship satisfying again for both of you.

April 28, 2011

it is work, isn’t it? Happy work, to be sure, but work that has to be done.

May 9, 2011

I admire you for having your priorities straight and acting on them. Take good care of each other.

“and we need to see ourselves only in the light of each other’s eyes / how the world sees us or how we have been taught to see ourselves be damned / those old tapes only serve to undermine our joy / to waste precious time and opportunities…” And part of this is about forsaking all others, because sometimes even a well meaning girlfriend can unknowingly undermine your relationship. Thanks for all of your loving notes, Robert, and to your wife as well. 🙂 Your unconditional support is amazing and I need it. LOL

May 19, 2011

It is, well, amazing, how you are both willing to, and recognize that you have to, and are able to still commit your full attention and energy on each other. (How was that for an awkward, run on sentence?) You always breathe a little flicker of hope into me.

No, you didn’t offend me in the least. It was people labeling me as UNHAPPY. We ALL have unhappy moments and happy moments and all those in between.

June 12, 2011

ryn – you know, its funny you’d suggest Diane Keaton. She looks a lot like my older sister. Whenever I watch one of her movies, its like watching my sis!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks, Robert! I was kinda thinking that myself. Like when I was thinkign that I needed Ex’s permission to leave Husband. I don’t think I really need his permission; I think I just want to have contact with him so that he will tell me he forgives me and still loves me. Which, he won’t. So there’s no sense in my asking. What I need to do instead, is acknowledge and accept that I need to come to terms with and release the fact that Ex does not forgive me, and does not love me. *nods* That’s all the permission I need…the permission I give myself TO MATTER. I can do this, right? I mean…. I can just leave if I’m not happy. *sigh* Be well.

“all this really demands our attention to the exclusion of all the outside clamor that has occupied our focus and caused us to lose our way / to not just give what was left over / but really putting one another first / this may be the cause of some critical reactions by some of those who have demanded or at least recently occupied our focus / so be itÂ…” THIS is why Husband will lose me.Such words never enter his mind. Take care.

It’s not fear for me. It’s fear for Husband. I haven’t been sure (and still am not) if I can crush him just because “I’m not happy” and “my needs aren’t being met.” I’m not sure that I can BREAK those vows and destroy the lifetime we’ve had together and take everything he loves about his life away from him because I’m…just a flake. AGAIN. But. Unless some miracle happens, I can’t see myself stayign at this point. Bit by bit, I am seeing what has to be done, much as I don’t like it. I’m just letting things unravel now…you know how that goes. Boo. Just… boo.