Ok…Mammy

“Babe I love you with all my heart, I want you to be the Mammy of our children. I want us stop bickering cuz I hate it and it makes me sad please can we start to think of each other before we do start to complain? x x x x x ”

She sent me this just before I went into my counselling session. It did make me feel a bit better but I’m not prepared to put the cart before the horse this time, this time it will be different and it will be on my terms a bit more. She’s only sent it now because she knows where I’m going.

She’s already told me that she doesn’t want us to break up. She told me after an arguement about 3 weeks ago (that she started). I think she’s started to figure that I’m geting fed up of it all now. A few arguements, well that would have been cute but we argue & bicker nearly everyday and I’m sick to the back teeth of it to be honest with you. When I get in later I’m not going to be funny with her, even though I am still dead pissed off with her for last night. I’m going to just be nice and pleasent and see where she takes it.

Counselling is killing me. I didn’t cry this week though, just for a change of pace. Maybe it’s progress? Maybe I’m dead inside? Maybe it’s Maybelline? Fuck knows, but when I leave a counselling session it’s like having had my soul debrided. Elenor is great though. The best in a long, sorry line so far.