Schrödinger’s God

When I was writing on another website, sorry OD, someone asked me to use the theory of Schrödinger’s Cat and compare it to the problem with the existence (or lack there of) of God. Rather than go into a deep rant about it, I chose to instead turn to satire as I wrote a short script to tackle the question. I’m reposting that short piece here for your reading pleasure.

Cheers,

Peter

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Schrödinger’s God

Theist: There’s a God inside this box.

Atheist: There is?

Theist: Yes, there is.

Atheist: That’s cool. Can I see it?

Theist: No.

Atheist: Why not? I want to see what a god looks like!

Theist: You’re not allowed to see Him.

Atheist: Then how do I know He’s in there? Can I shake the box?

Theist: No! That will upset Him very much!

Atheist: It’s a god! One shake isn’t going to kill it…

Theist: No shaking the box!

Atheist: Alright, alright, no shaking the box.

Theist: So, do you believe God is in the box?

Atheist: No, I do not.

Theist: You don’t?

Atheist: Nope.

Theist: Blasphemy!

Atheist: How do you know there’s a god in this box?

Theist: Says so right here in my bible, chapter and verse…

Atheist: Hold on, you haven’t even looked inside it?

Theist: No, I haven’t. I’m not allowed to.

Atheist: Then how do you know there’s a god in there?

Theist: Cause my bible tells me so.

Atheist: (Face palm)

Theist: Is something wrong?

Atheist: You have no bloody idea.

Theist: Excuse me?

Atheist: Let’s try this again: has anyone looked inside this box?

Theist: I think the pope has…

Atheist: So why can’t we look inside it?

Theist: We’re not the pope.

Atheist: News flash, the pope is just a mere mortal like ourselves.

Theist: That’s your opinion.

Atheist: (Sighs) If I can’t see inside the box, then how can I determine if there really is a god in there or not?

Theist: But I told you the bible says so…

Atheist: That book was written over a thousand years ago! And that was after these lame stories were passed around by word of mouth for hundreds of years in what has to be the Guinness record for longest game of telephone ever! A court of law wouldn’t even allow it to be used as evidence because it’s considered hearsay! That’s not evidence of anything!

Theist: Well, that was just mean!

Atheist: Maybe, but that doesn’t make my statement any less true.

Theist: I believe there is a god in this box!

Atheist: That doesn’t prove there is one!

Theist: How do I prove it?

Atheist: By opening the damn box!

Theist: You’re just mad because you can’t prove there isn’t a god in this box.

Atheist: It’s not my job to prove there isn’t a god in there! You’re the person making the claim that and I’m the skeptic. This means the burden of proof is on you, the one making the claim, to prove there is a god in the box.

Theist: I don’t need proof, because I have faith that God is in the box.

Atheist: You are aware that the very definition of faith is believing in something despite the absence of evidence to support it, right?

Theist: You’re discriminating against me and my religion. You’re a bigot!

Atheist: Are you serious? I’m not discriminating against you, but am asking legitimate questions to determine whether or not your claim is real or just more religious hogwash. I’m criticizing your creed, not you personally.

Theist: I find your challenge of my tradition insulting!

Atheist: It doesn’t have to be, we can solve this.

Theist: How?

Atheist: By opening the fucking box!

Theist: No, I will not.

Atheist: Then there’s no god in that box.

Theist: Why would you say such a thing?

Atheist: Because I have not been presented with any concrete evidence that would prove there are any gods in that box. None what so ever. Pony up some proof or get outta here!

Theist: You prove that He isn’t there!

Atheist: Alright, I will!

(As Atheist walks over to open the box, Theist tackles him and in the process the box is accidentally knocked off the table and it opens up.)

Atheist: Look… there’s nothing inside!

Theist: This doesn’t make any sense.

Atheist: I was right! Fuck you!

Theist: He must be in someone else’s box!

Atheist: What??

Theist: He does work in mysterious ways!

(Atheist throws the box at the Theist…)