Part-Time Parent?

Hey everyone. How are we all doing? Sorry it’s taken me a while to write, read, or even note anyone, but when you are the only parent taking care of 2 kids time is slim to none.

The babies are doing great. Still at 4oz during the day and before bed they take 5oz. Owen is such a little noise maker. He makes this noise that makes me think of a goat, then he sounds AND LOOKS like a duck, then he makes this noise that makes me think of a growling dog and that normally happens when its time to eat and hes attacking the bib or my finger cause he’s hungry. Riley, shes just my little peanut girl. They are both squirming around like crazy. Rolling back and forth. Today they are a month old. It’s crazy, it doesn’t feel that long already.

On another note, Pat and I are basically existing together. He’s the part-time parent. Saturday he came over only because I went and got him. Sunday he didn’t come over because I didn’t go and get him. He also slept until 3 in the afternoon on Sunday and called to tell me about it. That he had a hard time sleeping…blah blah bull shit. I told him, about the not coming out because I didn’t go get him, that it takes as much gas for me to get there than it is for him to come out here. He doesn’t even know his kids. When he was here on Saturday, he’d pick up either Riley or Owen and they started crying. I had to let him know how I felt about everything, so when I called him back on Sunday after re-doing the kids’ room I was like “Ya know this isn’t fair to me. I didn’t make these kids by myself, so I shouldn’t be the only one raising them.” He came back with his famous answer of “I know.” I am so sick of that. I told him that if he knew then I wouldn’t have to tell him this shit. Then I told him that I want a semi-normal life to where I can go places instead of being here 24-7, he came back with “I know, I want a normal life too.” That just bursted my fuse. I was like “you have a normal life!! You sleep until god hours in the day, you have your computer and you don’t have to be here raising our children.” He doesn’t see the good or the bad things that go on. He doesn’t hear there noises. He doesn’t see them rolling back and forth. He’s never gave them a bath. He doesn’t have to deal with the shitty diapers. He doesn’t have to deal with the throwing up. None of that shit. I told him that I was done and tired of hear all the empty promises. I said that I would be fine but his kids need him. He asked me to give him a chance to prove he can make things work and I told him not to take forever.

It’s sad, he claims to love me and when I say it back I tend to say it now out of habit. I get to thinking that maybe I am not suppose to be with him and that I was meant to be with my ex. But as we all know the story of that, I fucked that up. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not suppose to be with anyone. I just look at my relationship with Pat and the best one I had…prior to Pat…[which was with John] and see that maybe I screwed myself over. Maybe it’s because I’m doing this alone. I feel nothing. Is this wrong?

Well I think that’s it for the time being. I plan on putting new pictures up soon. Until next time…toodles.

♥ Amanda

.The Angel.