Pinch me and tell me this is nothing but a dream.

I’m just one b i g mess after another. So The Story Is Told…Hey everyone. I thought today would be the day I would do an update. It‘s been absolutely nuts over here. Let me go back a couple of days.

I started my job on Tuesday. It‘s alright. Not my dream job, but it‘s going to have to do for the moment. I‘m making $7.50 an hour, .80cents more than what I was making a Getty. I’ll only be getting 15-20 hours for now until further notice. The first 2 days I was trained by Rita. Interesting woman she is. She’s called “The Hacker” and now I know why. We went out on break and to my 1 cigarette she had 3 gone. And she was smoking generic full flavored 100’s. Can we say massive lung cancer?! I didn’t get what the hell she was training me so I got trained with Jessica. Come to find out I use to live up the road from her and use to go to school with her. Went to her casa on Friday. She lived at the Candlewood Apartment and I want to go there so bad. So the goals now are this: fix my car and save up enough money so I can move to Candlewood. Had off Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I got in tomorrow, have Wednesday off for Court, work Thursday and then have Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off. Craziness.

Went to Amanda’s this weekend. Had fun as usual seeing that I went and seen Manda, but shit happened that shouldn’t have and I ended up writing about it. Don’t want to re-write what happened seeing that I erased the entry from myspace that had what happened in it. It really upset John to no end.

Oh, what a subject: John. I almost had him back. We talked the other night. I had an epiphany while I was at work. I realized that I want no one other than him. My heart started going 6,000 miles a minute, I could stop shaking, I could handle money, and when he left, I started crying in the back room. Well we talked and stuff. We argued some. He asked me if I wanted to try it again and I said NOTHING!! HELLO! What the fuck was I thinking?! Then I sent him a message the following day that I wanted to be with him and then I went to Manda’s. Shit went down, I wrote about it, John flew off the handle. He does have a right to be upset because I’m a fucking hypocritical bitch. Now he’s saying that there could probably be no possible way of him and I getting back together. I have done nothing but think about what he said. I honestly think I have lost him forever. I don’t want that. I have finally figured out what I want, as a life partner that is. I go and fuck it up because I get drunk and do the most stupidest shit and write about it. Hopefully we’ll talk again today. Just hearing his voice, even though he’s mad and screaming at me, makes me feel alright. Just that little simple thing. Soon it will probably be no more. What the hell was I thinking?!

Oh, I had to go to a funeral this week too. My little 11 year old cousin, Tasha died on 1/29. Her heart either stopped or her brain stopped. The funeral was awful, I mean it’s a funeral, but they based it all around her mother. Had nothing much to say about my uncle, who’s her father. It just made my side of the family really angry.

I start buying parts for my car this week. A little at a time. I’ll probably be doing the breaks or the mirror. More a less the breaks. Who knows.

Well I am going to end this entry for now. Just wanted to let people know that I am alive, and fucking up every minute. PLCG!!

-A* Stats

[Time]

8:30 p.m.
[Wearing]

Jeans and a t-shirt

[Listening to]

Mary J. Blige “Be Without You”

[Thinking]

I’m such a fucking moron

[Feeling]

Shitty beyond belief

.The Angel.