Could It Be Any Harder To Watch You Go? *E*

.The 411.

.x.Music.x.: “Maybe I‘m Wrong” -Stars In December
.x.Tick to the Tock.x.: 12:37pm
.x.Feelin’.x.: Sad
.x.Drinkin’.x.: Nothing
.x.Rags..x.: Pink fuzzy Tinkerbell pj pants, FLCC hoodie and pj shirt
.x.Chit to the Chat.x.: No one

.I Let Him Go.
So yeah, I finally got a response from John today. Well it was more a less 2 days ago when I told himt hat I emailed him, but come to find out that the email that I have is wrong. He gave me the new one, but I didn‘t email him back. Last night before I went to bed I left him a message over AIM saying what my email said. That I wanted to try and fix things between him and I, that I don‘t want to lose him completely, if he still wanted anything to do with me, and if he didn‘t all he had to do was not reply to my message and I‘d erase him from everything. I woke up this morning and guess what I found. Nothing from John. So I took that as he didn‘t want anything to do with me anymore. So I deleted him from my AIM list, and before I deleted him from my Yahoo list I sent him a message saying “Good bye John.” He came back with “I don‘t want to lose you all together. I just need to think and right now is bad because I didn‘t sleep.” I said “Again, good bye John. You take all the time you need. I just have to do this for myself. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t sit still for more than 5 minutes. I loved you. Take that anyway you want.” Then I deleted him. I deleted both numbers off of my phone as well. All that I have left of reminders of him are his notes he left me on here, his open diary, the crystal he gave me, the card, and his blanket. I don‘t know what I am going to do with it. I‘ll probably write him a note and take it back to him. I can‘t have the constant reminder of all of this. I have to put it behind me and be done with it. But I let him go today. I have to forget the memories, I have to forget the times we had. I might erase all his notes from him on here, I’m just not sure yet. That’ll have to come in time.

Anyways, onto something else. Seeing that I’ve been so down lately and I was accused of being with Sean this whole time, I went and seen Sean again. I went and seen him on Monday. I was still feeling awful, I just didn’t let it show. The only thing he saw was that I was extremely run down. We talked about our past couple of days. Like how he got in a fight with some guy because Frank is a moron. Then I told him about some stuff. Then we went back to our normal spot in Subway. Every time I am there we always have our “paper reading” time. Anyways, we got done with the paper and I started to massage his neck and head. He started falling asleep. So I woke him up and he kept grabbing on to me and laying his head on my chest. Then we got to messing around. He looked at me with the eyes that I love to see and asked “what” and I said that I wasn’t going to say anything because he’d let go. I go “don’t let go” he smiled and he didn’t let go. I am going to go and see him either on Thursday, Friday or Monday. Who knows. I just need this. But what I don’t like is that I’m ‘a secret’. I don’t know.

Then there’s Owen. I like that kid but I don’t know. He’s going to the Army. So I don’t know. We were talking on AIM and I was like “so you’re interested in me and you were thinking about me…that’s amazing.” He came back with “she putting things together now. But put your breaks on your car so you don’t speed ahead. You know what I mean.” I said yes. So I haven’t talked to him in a couple days. Who knows. I talked to Scotty about it and he asked how would it work being that I live down here and he lives up there. I told him that if we wanted to be with each other that bad that we’d make it work. That there would have to be a lot of trust on both parts. He said that it was true. So yeah. I go back out there February 3 and I’ll see him then. It’ll be interesting to see him again.

Well I am going to go for now. PLCG!!

-A*

*EDIT*
I just wanted people to know that I wrote another letter int he memory diary. Mainly telling Jen about John. *YOU (you know who you are) might want to read this.* Anyways, just wanted people to know.

.The Angel.