Court and just some stuff I had to let out…

Life at a Chaotic SpeedRight Now:
[Time]: 12:40 am
[Wearing]: Black pants, t-shirt and a hoodie
[Feeling]: Tierd of fighting with people about everything
[Drinking]: Nothing
[Eating]: Nothing
[Thinking]: Why should I censor myself with what I say?!
[Chit-Chat]: Mom
[Music]: “Niki FM” -Hawthorne Heights
Hey guys, just a short update today. I went to court. I sat there for a good hour just for them to adjourn it until December 14th. I am getting really pissed off about everything. My attorney is trying to get the DA to agree to a deal. Letting me off on a violation and my YO…if that was what I understood. She told the Assistant DA that was there today that she wants to have her talk to the arresting officer to see if he’ll give me some leeway seeing I don’t have an arrest record. Plus she’s trying to use me losing my job and having front page exposure as enough punishment for my first time appearance. I won’t know anything though until December 14th when I go back for the 3rd time.

What else?! I fought with John today. He read my entry about how Sean kissed me and he freaked. Him and I aren’t together so I didn’t cheat. He has no real reason to be pissed at me like he is. It happened. He asked me why I didn’t stop him and he asked if I knew that it hurt him to read that and if I thought about that. I told him that hurting him wasn’t my intent. I told him that I didn’t wake up that day wondering how I could hurt John and came up with the ever so “brilliant” idea of flaunting my shit in front of Sean to get him to kiss me. No! That’s not how it happened, and that wouldn’t ever happen that way. He has a tendency to judge what I say in here. I’m sorry I may love the kid, but there is no way in hell I am going to start censoring what I write in here. I have been with open diary for 4 years and never once did I censor anything. Hence the reason why I am public diary and receive public notes…private, unsigned, whatever. It’s my diary and I’ll write what I please. I am just really sick of fighting with him and trying to defend myself every time we talk. He doesn’t understand why I don’t trust males. (I know I should write a life entry so everyone knows the reason why I don’t trust males, and why I am the way I am.) No matter how much he says he ‘understands’ he will never fully know anything. And for him to have the balls to step up to me like he does, oh boy!! That’s the wrong thing to do. I may look sweet, innocent and most of all weak, but in reality, this girl is one hell of a fighter. May not be a fist fighter, but a verbal one. Don’t try and step to me without having anything to back you up. He needs to start looking at things in my view. I need to do this for me. No one else.

Ahh, now that’s out of my system. I have to call Sean tomorrow. I am so excited. I am suppose to see him outside of work tomorrow. It could be interesting. I just keep having flashbacks of Monday night. His lips are just so soft…his touch is so gentle…and when he held me it was firm enough to assure me that I was safe. *happy sigh*

I called about jobs. Kristie, the one for Walden’s, was off today and when I called Amanda from Aeropostale she said to call back Friday. She has interviews up until Friday and then she’ll be making her decision. Oh boy, I hope I am in there.

Well like I said this is going to be a short one than normal. I am going to go to bed. Night kids!! PLCG!!

-A*

P.S. Thanks to .:This.Is.Me:. for giving me my 1000th note today!! Woo hoo!!