Back where I belong…

What‘s it gonna take to Rock You Senseless?Well I figured out what I am doing. Let me go back a couple of days. Let‘s see, Tuesday Jason came down and surprised me at home. He called at 9 and said that he was here. I was so excited. We kissed for the first time. Was nice. He ended up talking a lot of the time. He was nervous but cute. Ever since then he calls me all the time. And I have come to realize that I can’t be anything more than just a friend to him. So much happened at one time. Plus I feel like I drove a friendship apart. Matt and Jason are barely friends now. Plus I don’t want Matt to think that he did nothing for me and I didn’t care for him at all.

Then Friday came along and I was feeling really guilty for having kissed another man. I was thinking of John all week long. To tell you the truth I haven’t stopped thinking of him since the split I just chose not to react on it. If I would see him driving I would intentionally look the other way, and I would avoid going passed the store or going in there in threat of seeing him. But I had a moment of truth this week and found out that I am in love with John. He ended up coming over that night. We talked and all that I know is him asking if there was a chance, me saying yes, and then me going into his arms. I came to realize that I couldn‘t love him anymore than I did that night. I love that man so much that I can’t go on without him. Him and I are destined to be together and I swear to you guys, him and I are going to get married.

Saturday I went to his house. We ended up going to the basement where we watched a movie and about ¾ of the way through it, John and I made love on the couch. Something got into him that just made me feel really good to the point that I had MULTIPLE orgasms. Then last night he came and got me and we went to a movie. We went and seen “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”. That movie was pretty freaky, and knowing that is based on a true story freaks me out a little more. Then John and I went back to his house and went to his room where we sat and talked for a bit. Things began to escalate and we ended up going to the basement. Again, another amazing time of love making and again MULTIPLE orgasms. I do feel bad, however, that I had multiple orgasms he didn’t have any. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. John reassured me that I wasn’t and that he was just nervous seeing that we slipped on night and he came inside me BEFORE I was on the pill. I just keep hoping that I can get him to cum for me. It would make me feel a lot more better. I mean don’t get me wrong. I love him for everything that he does and is, but I feel inadequate knowing that he isn’t ‘enjoying’ sex as much as I am.

Tonight he is coming to get me after work. I am going to go and spend the night with him. I can’t wait. Just being able to sleep with him after all this time will make things feel more complete than they do now. I just can’t wait till I can sleep with him permanently.

Well kids, I gotta go. I have to go and shower and go see John at work seeing that I have no cigarettes and I have to go get some. But I have done GREAT today seeing that I have had none today. Congrats to me!! PLCG!!

-A*

P.S. How do you like the new layout?! A little crazy don’t you think, but it explains a lot on how my inner emotions are.