Disappointment 1,000 – Amanda 0

Thoughts…

Well I guess it‘s safe to let you all know, I am not pregnant. What a way to start off an entry right? Well let‘s see, when John and I had sex a little while back, we had an ‘oops’…if you want to call it that…and for awhile we thought that I could be pregnant. This was about the time I went to the doctors and he told me that the cysts that I have are there when a women ovulates, so me I have so much running through my mind it was unreal. In a way I prayed that I didn‘t have to say the lines “no I’m not pregnant” again, but then again I prayed I did have to say them because John is only 22 and I‘m only 18. We‘re really young. But when I got up this morning and found out that I had my period that sad, almost sickening feeling came back into my stomach. I had to tell John I wasn‘t having a baby. I cried this morning, because that pain of knowing you aren‘t bearing the man you are suppose to be spending your life with child is unreal. I felt like it was my fault, and I still sort of do. I feel like he did his part but I couldn‘t do mine. It hurts a lot. I don‘t know, maybe it‘s a good thing that it turned out like this. It‘s not my time which is ok. But it hurts. I couldn‘t even look at John today.

Anyways, just wanted to write this down. It helps me feel better when I get vent in here. Gonna go for now and hopefully have some blissful dreams!! PLCG

-A*