Quick and sweet *edit* Long and detailed

Everybody’s going to the party to have a real good time. Dancing in the dessert blowing up the sunshine…

This is going to be one of those quick and sweet entries until I get back from Aunt Jeni’s, or I’ll update it there. Who knows. Things have been progressively getting worse. Went to the doctors and I had to get a pelvic ultrasound and the women that did it told me I had SEVERAL ovarian cysts. My doctor told me that I might be able to have kids so I cried.

John’s coming over tonight to spend the night with me. Yay!! I’ll have to install my camera and take pictures.

I gotta go and get a shower so we had to Aunt J’s for Ethans birthday. I’ll edit this when I get a moment!!

-A*

***Edit***
Hey kids, now I can make this an even longer entry than it already is. Well John came and spent the night with my Saturday night. He ws stressin all weekend about his GED test. I told him he was going to do fine, and that I believed in him so I hope that helped. He came over Saturday around 10ish or so and we chilled in my room. We both got hungary so we went to McDonalds and got chicken nuggets. After that we started watching “Eddie Murphy: Raw” but almost half way through I turned it off because I was getting really tired. We made love that night as well. It was great. *huge smile* Then yesterday we just chilled out. We were going to go to the Canandiagua Arts Festivale but I didn’t feel good and told him I didn’t want to. So we went back to his place and we watched part of “Blade Trinity”. I took my meds and they made me drowzy and I fell asleep. We lost power and his house for about a good hour or so. His dad made some really good food. We had BLT’s and sweet potato french fries. They had that sweet and a kick taste to it. They were fucking amazing.

Today I have to go to work. Not really looking forward to it but it’s ok I guess.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Pete. To be honest with you, I don’t know how I am going to survive without him really being in it. He was and is my first love and I seen everything between him and I. In the beginning I told you how I saw us being together for life. I just don’t know what happened to that dream. I told all of this to John last night and I still feel guilty for not coming out and saying directly that I love Pete so much still. Pete makes me very weak. It is very hard for me to tell him no, and you all know that. What am I gonna do? I haven’t talked to him since that day he called me so I think that’s a little help. The smallest amount of talking to him could do good, but then it good break me down because all I want to do is talk to him. I am so afraid of picking up the phone and just calling or texting him. Ugh!!

Well I am going to go for now. PLCG!

-A*

 

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oh darling i hope you are ok xxx

July 18, 2005

I know i’ll never be able to replace pete… but i am here for you whenever you need me regardless of what it is. I’m sure you realize by now that I’d never do anything that would cause pain of any type to you and also that i’m not going anywhere…. I love you with all my heart and soul Amanda.