Ill be right here waiting for YOU

How can we be friends if everytime that I talk to you or
see you makes me want you even more??

Well I called him. And just talking to him for the first time since Sunday made me realize how much I care for him. Hearing his voice was what I needed, along with the laughter that brings. He has this sense of humor that no matter what kind of mood I am in he can make me laugh. If I were on my death bed, he could make me laugh. At first though, I was so afraid to call him. When I did his line was busy, so I text messaged him and he said that I could call and he was home. Then it took him about 10 minutes or so to realize he was still connected to the internet so he called me. I told him what has been going on and stuff. I told him that he would be proud of me cause of what I told Leah. And he said he was and that I don’t need any extra pressure. Then out of no where I asked him if he could go anywhere where would he go and he had to bring someone who would he bring. (Don’t ask where all of this came from, I was just trying to fill in for something that I wanted to ask him but I forgot. I wanted to ask him all day and I forgot the moment I started talking to him. That ever happen to anyone?) He said that he wanted to go to Tibet and the person he would bring with him would be me because when I am around him he’s calm and at peace and he said that is how Tibet is, calm and peaceful. But in all of conversations since the “break up“ if you want to say, he sounds different. Down if you want to say. But when I ask him about it, he says that it‘s nothing and we go back to whatever we were talking about. There is always a consent reminder that he has to go back to work in about 2 weeks and I wont be able to talk to him much. I‘m just so afraid that when he does go back to work, that he‘ll find someone there and forget about me. He reassures me that he wants no one else but me and I believe him about 99.9% but there is always that .1%, that “what if“ factor. Anyways, I was kind of disappointed in the way we said good night and bye last night. I asked him if he got any sleep that day and he said no because he sleeps at night now, and I felt bad. So I said that if he wanted me to I would let him go so he could go to sleep and he said alright. I told him that I would talk to him sometime, and he said yes. Then I said good night, and he said it back, then he said “buh bye!” Normally its “goodnight Sweetie, sweet dreams.” It doesn’t matter if we are together or not. Oh well. Maybe I‘m freaking out about things that I shouldn’t be, but I can‘t and don’t want to lose him. Being friends with him is killing me enough. I asked him today how can we be friends if every time that I talk to you or see you makes me want you even more? And I asked if he felt the same way. I don’t know. I also asked if I could go and see him on Saturday, because that was the original plan before all of this commotion. So we‘ll have to see.

Anyways, I talked to Ashley last night. That was really great. We talked about the summer when she was here all the time and stuff like that. She was a great person to chill with…SMOOOOOOTHIES!!

Anyways, I‘m gonna get outta here. PLCG!!

-((Amanda))-