Dangerously In Love……..with you

Right Nowx Tic Toc: 3:53pm
x Dressed In: Black sweater with khaki pants that tie on the side
x Hair Style: Straight, down, and blow dried
x Munching: Notta
x Sipping: Notta
x Music: Beyonce “Dangerously In Love“
x Chit-Chat: Beckie
x Feeling: Sick, upset, happy
x Thoughts: How can you love someone so deep and be told that you have to turn that love off…for a short period of time…?

My head says on thing, and my heart says another…Well I called him. We talked for 4 and a half hours. I cried, and got some things off of my chest that he just needed to know. I told him everything to how Leah said the same thing about “I deserve better“ when I was with Nate, and how she dreamt about him the other night, to how he had sex with me and told his mother that he was “gonna fuck me on more time and leave me“, to how Heather, someone who was my best friend someone I could confide in someone I could run to when I had a problem and she was right there, had a sexual relationship with him for months and BOTH preceded to lie to my face. I told him that I didn’t want to have a relationship that I was going to fall in love with that person and for one reason or another turn around and leave. I understand why he called it off for now. Its that he has so much confrontation to deal with and I have so much stuff going on in my life right now that there isn’t really enough time in either of our busy schedule for a relationship. So we are going to be friends for now, but its so hard, on both of us. I want to be with him, and he wants to be with me but theres no room right now. He told me to wait till June so when I am out of school that will be one obstacle out of our way. I told him that I love him more than I ever loved a person in my entire life, and that I will do all that it takes to make sure that him and I get back together. I told him since I waited for Nate for 2 years, 4-7 months is nothing. I also told him that I didn’t intend on dating anyone because I am waiting for him, and I ask him one thing. I asked him to wait for me and he asked what the “conditions“ were. I wanted to say right then, “don’t date anyone“, but I didn’t because Id be selfish plus why would he end it with me and go to someone else. He isn’t like that. Then we were talking about stuff in general and laughing and then I got all serious again and I told him that I blame myself for all of this happening. He said its not my fault and that he loves me. Then I came back with a question that took him by surprise. I asked him, “If its not my fault, then why am I the one being pushed away?” So who knows. He also told me not to be afraid to call him. That’s my only “condition“. But just not call everyday. So I wont call him until tomorrow at the earliest. So who knows. Im just hoping hes right, and time is all that we need. I want my time…our time…to come.

Well I gotta go to Wal Mart and Sallys with mom. Ive been home since Thursday so its kinda boring. I also have a sinus infection that’s kicken my ass. So yeah!! PLCG!!

-((Amanda))-