Getting back in control…….

<BGSOUND balance=0 src="http://www.msealsmusic.com/msealsmusic/user/music/evanandjaron-thedistance-newversion.wma&quot; volume=0

Well hey
everyone, whats goin on?!  Tons here….like normal.  Well I had my
counsling session with mom.  It went really really really good!!  I
got stuff out and I cried a lot of stuff out.  But during the beginning I
didnt wanna have the conversation and I wanted to walk out but I wasnt close
enough to the door.  But my mom and I are starting to work out some of our
issues, which is great, and to not try to overwhelm like this again she
seperating house work and all that good junk.  I had to make a promise that
I would stay after tomorrow and get some help before I fail.  And I also
had to promise to stay after at least 1-2 times a week for homework help, to try
and help me get back on track acedemiclly.  Then my mom and I are going to
go to a Family Support group and try and work out our problems, also shes going
to make me a doctors appointment to get a full physical to see if there is
anything medically wrong with me.  But I walked out of there today, and I
was so happy!!  I felt ‘lighter’ than I did.  It felt good to be able
to go to class with a smile and not flipping out on anything.  When Zack
looked at me, he shot me a smile and I shot him one back and he knew I was back
to my self….somewhat.  It was great to also not cry and stuff.  And
I think that going to do this help clear my mind, because we started our English
Midterm and I was so clear headed that I remembered so much stuff, and I could
think clearly.  It was great.  And when I came home today, I was all
happy with my mom, and not all down and stuff.  I got right home and
started to cook.  I made cake and I made my “famous” chicken in mushroom
soup, and potatoes and mac n cheese!!  .:.Deep Breath.:. Man I feel a
little bit better.  I still dont feel completely right, but its a step in
the right direction!!

Anyways, onto
Pete.  Well I talked to him last night and I didnt make him upset.  He
was working on his brothers car and his brothers wife was being a pain in the
nuts!!  So he didnt wanna talk to me on the phone and end up snapping at me
cause he was having a bad day.  He is so considerate.  Then we were
talking about my counsling session that was gonna happen today, and I mentioned
if I was put on meds. or anything I asked if hed think of me any
different.  Hes like “Hun I want you to get the help that you need so you
dont feel like you just keep getting shit on over and over.  And no matter
what, I dont care if youre on meds. I wont think any different of you!!” 
That made me feel so good!!  Then he asked me if I remember Tracy from New
Years Eve.  I said yes and he told me that he talked to her on MSN and that
shes coming up to New York for a couple days and she wants one thing and one
thing only from him….sex….and he told her no cause for 1 shes married and
for 2 he has someone and he told her “since I have someone I tend to stay loyal
to her.”  I got tears in my eyes and the biggest smile on my face its was
amazing!!  From ear to ear!!  And then we were talking about him dying
and I told him that he cant die because I need him here.  He asked me why
and he wanted a very honest anwser.  So I did.  I told that he is a
solid piece of ground that I can fall back on, I can run to him, he listens to
every little bitch that I have, and when Im with him I seem to forget all my
problems and that when Im with him I feel safe.  He was so stunned with
what I had to say all he could say was “Im glad.”  I go, “is that honest
enough for you” and he said that it was beyond perfect!!  Then I asked him
if I was different.  He said yes, that Im not like other girls that hes
been with!!  So yeah, the past 16 hours have been the most happiest
Ive been in such a long time!!

Well Im gonna
get outta here!!  PLCG!!

-((Amanda))-

P.S. Your my
Scooter and Im your Slick Sox!!  Love ya Scooter!!

P.S.S. This
song is for Pete….”The Distance” by Evan and
Jaron….*smiles*