((*))I wish you still loved me((*))

Well hey everyone….whats crackin?!  So much here.  Well lets see, this is gonna be a pretty rockin weekend.  Mom goes to Canada till Sunday and its just me in the house with the car.  WhooP WhooP!!  So I asked mom if I could have people over.  So I get to have Chewy and Lee over.  Theyre gonna spend the entire weekend with me.  I get Virginia’s car and shes taken my moms.  Plus tomorrow Im gonna get 2 other people to come and chill….YAY!!

Well there is a darker side to life.  I talked to Nate the other day.  And he was talking to me and I asked about the threats that I have been getting and he said its been from his “FUTURE FAMILY” so Im taken it as that him and Amanda are getting married.  Hes leaving for Jersey soon.  Him and Amanda got and appt. down there.  Ive been crying since yesterday.  I cant believe what is happening.  And the thing is, is that Nate and her have only been together since October….what is that shit?  I have been so upset that I called my fathers dumb ass girlfriend and talked to her.  She understands, and shes easy to talk to, but other than that I cant stand her.  But with that, I found a new song for him.  Im gonna post the lyrics….Its called “I Wish” by Jo Dee Messina.

It’s not easy saying this to you
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
But boy before you go
I want you to Know

Chorus:
I wish you strength
When times are hard
Oh I wish with all my heart you find just what
You’re looking for
I wish you joy
I wish you peace
And that every star you see’s within your reach
And I wish you still loved me

I wish things were different you know that
But I’m still happy for the times we had
You mean the world to me
Baby Please Believe

Repeat Chorus

Losing you is tearing me apart
But a part of me will be with you
No matter where you are

Repeat Chorus

Its everything that I want to say to him.  And on my AIM subprofile this is what I put for his shoutout…. ((Nate)) Now I know where we stand.  Friends it is, and friends we’ll always be.  I take it that you and Amanda are going to be together forever, since her and her family are YOUR future family.  Good luck in New Jersey and in everything that you do.  No matter what though, you will always have a special place in my heart….you were and are my first love.  I love you.

I lost him forever, and its gonna be so hard to except that.  Who knows….plus Im into someone else.  But it just hurts so bad to know this stuff.

Ok, enough of that….Today was the last day of school till 2004.  I go back on the 5th of January.  WhooP WhooP!!  2 weeks to sleep and do what I want.  YAY!!  Christmas is also right around the corner.  This year the holidays depress me….because this is when I got back in touch with Nate….people just bare with me.  This is nothing to what is to come when it hits January 10th.  That would have been our year anniversarie.  I dont know why Im still hangin on to something that isnt even there anymore.  But its just so hard, if you have ever been in love and lost that person, then you know what Im talking about.

Well I think Im gonna get outta here.  PLCG!!

((Amanda))

P.S. Im proud to say that this is my 300th entry….YAY for me!!