The Good, The Bad, The Hungry, The Shite Jokes

 Purse = RETRIEVED UNHARMED EFF YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH gonna eat at that café for fucking ever now because YOU GUYS ARE THE COOLEST/BEST.

Oh and their food was fucking delicious, so, ya know.  Everybody wins!  I seriously considered buying lunch there again just because it smelled so freaking good in there, but no.  I got to work two hours ago.  Cannot justify.

Anyway!  So on the way in to work today, I saw my bus about to round the corner, and I was still a block away.  Wtf? I was checking OneBusAway every ten goddamn seconds to make sure it wasn’t early, and I still had like 7 minutes.  so I break into an awkward sprint aaaaaaaaaaand my phone flies out of my pocket, onto the grass, oh by the way it’s been raining for three days.

HOORAY.

The thing flies apart, and I find the back and the front… but not the battery.  Fuck.  Well, fine, I’ma miss my bus anyway, let’s look for it.

Turns out that wasn’t my bus, but the same bus going the opposite direction.  This was an easy-to-make mistake because my bus is the only red one, and they both stop at that corner in the same exact spot sooooo yeah.

Oh but anyway I got on my knees, fingered through mud and grass for five minutes, and my REAL bus passes me and I can’t find my fucking battery and I’m screaming curses and burst into tears and get angry at myself because I can’t see as well through all the tears and I still didn’t have my purse yet and I just wanted it to be fucking OVER, man.

Then I spot my battery underneath a tree like 5 fucking feet from where the phone dropped wtf wtf.

Grab it, go, catch the NEXT bus, show up to work 20 minutes late and covered in mud and pretty much done with this fucking week.

But it’s okay now!  I have my phone, I have my purse, my boss wasn’t in today so it doesn’t even matter that I was late, not that it would have anyway because he gives zero shits as long as I put in eight hours.

But wow.

Nothing compared to The Bro + Co’s house, who went home to a robbed house.  Apparently it was a wild coincidence that my brother lost his wallet, canceled his cards, and got a temporary debit card–and an AMAZING coincidence, too.  His wallet was in the house, it had no evidence of his new address in there, so there’s no way someone could have FOUND their house using the wallet.  He just left it at home that day.  And got a temp debit card, meaning when they got home and found their house raided, they still had access to their money.  Wtf are the chances, man?

Their Xbox (and games), tablet (brand new for her birthday, fuck), netbook, and busted laptop were all gone.

The cops told them to wait there and not touch anything.

Five and a half fucking hours later, at 10:30 PM, they called the cops and told them never mind, just come in the morning, you fucking dickbag fuckfaces raGHFHJGSFGH.

They asked if Ben wanted to bring me over, maybe bring some booze, but he was eating dinner with his friends so I couldn’t.  They just had to sit alone in their damned apartment.  Them, waiting for cops, me eating mini-muffins for dinner, unable to get to each other or do anything.  It was fucking stupid.

But!  Everything will be okay.  They’re insured, I have my shit back, and oh!  Remember when I was worried about the delay on the paycheck when I switched from temp to perm?  Well, there IS a big delay, but that’s okay because I called my landlord and asked if I could pay half now and half on the 18th when I get paid and she was like SURE, NO LATE FEES and I was like HOLY FUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE IT WAS THAT EASY.

I’ve found awkward phone calls solve like 90% of the stress in my life, and yet somehow I still always put them off until I feel like my head is going to explode from guilt and worry and barely-suppressed panic.

I’m an idiot, basically.

A big dumb idiotface made of big dumb idiocy.

I’m hoping starting some time next week, I can set up the whole work-from-home dealio and maybe clock some overtime too and everything will be gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodish.

The new temp seems to be allergic to the building.  I thought it would pass but she’s been coughing for a solid week now.  She’s doing better than the last temp (who tbh had no earthly clue how to use a computer, which is extremely necessary for this job), but like, not if she chokes to death on our air. :/

Really that’s just kind of worrying in general.  Wtf is in the air here?

Kay guys, back to spreadsheets and excitement that I’m not gonna die this month.  Probably.  Not for monetary reasons, at least.

—

Shit son.  Took me an hour to get around to posting this, so NEW UPDATE:  Just started to get the nausea-sneezing thing again, and lo and behold, I haven’t eaten since yesterday.  Yeah.  That’s, uh, basically THE MAJOR CAUSE.

Just eat, you dumbass.

Fuck I want fries.