On Openness And Exclusion

Over the last three years I have fluctuated between states of openness that bordered on being unregulated and exclusion that bordered on absolute. The binary of states I often experience on many cultural and personal levels is likely tied to being bipolar, just not immediately and directly, in a sense.

There was a time when I engaged everyone on almost everything. This was carried out in a particular semi-public forum more or less specifically designed for that kind of thing and for the most part, it worked. I met some good people through the platform and I’m glad I retain contact with them outside of it. Culturally it was always doomed to become what it’s become and so I’ve dramatically reduced my engagement with it. That it’s precipitated a significant change to human behaviour outside of the platform is also no surprise, and not particularly distressing given my growing (and returning) sense of insulation.

So.
Ah, crap. Yeah it would have been three odd years ago. Yes. No. It wasssss… four years ago. Around then. There was Rok and I and no-one else. In many ways this has stayed the same throughout, but it’s now pragmatically returning to the way it was. Our modes of thinking are such that there really aren’t many like minded folk about. In crucial ways, I tend not to connect with others so at some point, I connect with them in other ways, some just as meaningful and that’s a good thing.

Nevertheless, when it comes to detailed, complex, meaningful and important subjects and experiences, I only discuss them with him. Not directly as a result of that, I also exclude most people from everything. Relating to my recent vague study of boredom, there are those that I do make more of an effort to be communicable and embracing with, and at times it reaps rewards. Also as recently discussed, at some point things seem to slow down and I get frustrated, precipitating exclusion.

So the binary is: embrasure that is open to anyone, where I will encourage, affirm, respond, be patient, translate (in this instance, translating one literal thing into another for the benefit of someone else).
Then there’s insulation that doesn’t actively shut people out, just doesn’t include them in a pool of available interactions and dynamics. I stop making the effort. If people want to approach me, they’re free to and will find I’m most amicable but I won’t expect it, nor decent engagement and won’t chase it down.

This is a scratch note. Perhaps I should create a tag for it. Actually, I think I will.