Boredom Leads To Romance

I’m currently generating the most output I ever have in my entire life. More than when I’m in a low state even though theoretically I experience a lot more. The problem then is my ability to translate and my energy levels to do so, but that’s a given.

Nevertheless I need to write down what’s just happened. I don’t know why. Partially because I have no-one to talk about it to, no-one available or with the capacity and/or interest to process it. Also because I imagine I might be able to do something with it later. That’s the romance component. I think of all this stuff and I wonder what I can do with it. I’d like to make money from it. Let it be known that I have no problem monetising my experiences. I have no problem with that relationship and you shouldn’t either. This is the relationship consumers have with artists. Artists create something and sell it to you in the hope that you’ll consume it and derive something from it. I like being a consumer of art in this manner. I like the exchange of money for an abstract experience. I wish more money went to the creators rather than the facilitators, even if some of them do serve good practical purposes.

What’s just happened is that in the heightened state of awareness I’m currently in, I’ve iterated a shit-ton of stuff and then lost it and it’s bothering me. I even remember the practical detail of the entry title I was going to write, then abbreviate it in an acronym to be a smart-arse as I had two titles, the usual two word allusion and then the longer one (I’ve done this a few times, one recently) but the actual subject matter is all gone.

Now I feel like the engine is running, and running smoothly, and I have a rather curious sensation of being empty.

I had stalled writing the entry because I encountered my colleagues upon entering the building, which flowed into actual work tasks. I had thought I had successfully set aside the ideas I had iterated but then upon opening Open Diary, found they were gone.

How does that happen?
Actually I suspect the mechanics of how it happened are quite simple. What’s distressing is why it happened and what it means.

I won’t write down any of that just yet, or at all, rather discuss my musings that everything – work, people, survival, is now a distraction. I have decided in the last twenty minutes that they are distractions. They are distractions from doing what I’d rather be doing which is thinking and writing. Yes, I understand. I know that you need stimulus, you need input in order to iterate but I have enough for now I suspect, and I’m ready to sequester myself away from any more of it (most of which is redundant at this point as it’s quite repetitive) and get some good thoughts down.

That’s not entirely true.
I’m fascinated by this most recently observed dynamic of specific short-term memory loss and I want to talk about it. I want to talk about its potential influences on identity and perceptions of identity in the immediate, medium and long-term. I want to talk about the mechanisms currently engaged to process inputs. I want to talk about the fact that religion has come up in discussion three times in the last two days and my immediate thoughts were (if I say so myself) quite brilliant in the way that they weren’t at all disrespectful to religion and rather saw past the immediate cosmetic nature of the subject and drilled down to core mechanics and philosophy. I want to talk about how much I’m doing that in everything I encounter and how easy it is. I want to talk about the difference in process dynamic between how I am now in an elevated state to how I am in a neutral state to how I am in a low state.

I have no-one to talk to about this stuff.
The people at work aren’t interested or too slow or too shy and besides we haven’t established the right level of intimacy for me to want to engage them on it.
My dad will be occupied with the kids.
My brother will be out and about with the rest of the family shopping.
My brother in law will be working.
Rok will be working.
Addendum: Oh and Twitter is shit.

But the thing is I want to talk as in discuss. I don’t want to just monologue (because that is extremely easy for me to do), I want people to iterate on it and express so that we turn it over and explore and discover something and I don’t care at all whether we get anywhere useful, as long as it’s interesting.
I don’t really want solutions to anything. Actually, for the most part I cope just fine without solutions/definition/certainties for many questions and theories, essentially I just want to discuss them because it’s interesting. It’ll give me something fun to do with someone else who hopefully would also enjoy it.

Oh wow.
I just got interrupted by a phone call and a bunch of my thoughts from this morning at home before I left work have come back. I’m quite pleased with that.
The thought was – don’t create biopics. Well, that’s not an instruction, it’s more just something I believe for myself so I would never want to create one.
Instead, I’d rather fictionalise everything and present it semi-stylistically (or fully stylistically, as it were).
You can never fully capture what it means to know someone – a whole person, let alone a whole life, the experiences therein, the other people involved and all the abstracts that exist in all of that action and interaction. As soon as you start using abstracts/reductions/metonyms, you’re doing something else approaching a fictionalisation so just do that in the first place.

That’s all for now.
I wish Open Diary entries had timestamps.