Notes

I notice my nose doesn’t bleed any-more
I sleep less
Then I sleep more
That I now have downward spikes as fast as the upwards
Very quickly
Acceleration
A point of contact
And it’s over too quickly
The mechanics of muscle-memory are too strong
Take over with efficiency
I want to slow them down
They allow me to earn though
Earn and spend bank on things that slow me down
A good cycle
I don’t mind it
Amoral
It doesn’t bother me
The Strangeness at times seems to be running away and I think, as I often do of late
That I want it stored for safekeeping
Vroenis does this
There are still too many translational processes
It’s too abstract
There needs to be more contact
I think of her and giving her away
Always followed by the question of possession
Always followed by her reminder that it’s merely a figure of speech
And the hesitation
The pause
That I cannot give her away
Something about it is too beautiful
Too good for me
I don’t need to share them
Not with everyone
But I do want them to stay here
Where they want to be
If I take them with me then they’ll miss out on all the things they love so much
My heart-rate is far too high
I’ve not slept enough
The number of rituals I’ve engaged in today have been cleansing
Restorative
I pray in languages I don’t understand
And around me there are figures who shift from automation to vapour
I can’t distinguish which are mine
Who I’ve brought
Which are resident
There is no rule for who will ignore me and who will observe
Engage
Interrupt
Leave
Stay

If there is consistency, it is in the necessity to speak
And the desire to cease doing so
The enjoyment of speech
And the peacefulness of insulation
These brief encounters are rich, dense
Worthy
Also exhausting
Someone counts their number
And the number of engagements less involving
The numeracy of it is not something I understand
Binary or some other numerical base
Or expressed in a numerical form of character-symbols
Abstract
Complex singular representations
It’s babble
I need to rest
I wouldn’t talk to you about it because you weren’t asking in the right way
Maybe you can’t, but I want you to try
It means a lot to me when you try
Even when we fail
It feels so good
I feel warm and loved
I want to feel loved by you
It is a rare and indulgent comfort
Simple in nature
Amplified in the Strangeness
Also outside it
More powerful than it
Which is what makes me believe you should take it from me
Carry it
Wrap it safely and let it live beyond my instance
I’ve not enough time
Nor language
Nor ability
When the right time comes, pass it on
Someone will know what to do with it eventually