The first window.

A long time ago when I was still walking the earth half-zombified, I like many youths at my age then, felt like an old soul, like I carried the weight of a thousand years. Now I know that was mostly the medication talking, and there was plenty of youth still left in me.

Even now, I still know there’s so much time left for youth, that I’m by no means beyond the particular vibrance, energy and enthusiasm of being young, but tonight I felt I truly saw for the first time that the end of my youth was in sight. It wasn’t a frightening feeling at all, but perhaps one of the first steps towards being ready. Tonight for the first time, I said my first goodbye to youth, and it was with absolutely no bitterness, sadness or regret.

I’ve got a long way to go yet, and there will be countless oportunities for joy before I take on the different joys and responsibilites of naturally continuing to grow up, but tonight was my first glipse of that hazy eternal twilight between being a young-adult, and one matured.

It was an extremely encouraging feeling, and I want to savour it for a while before I finally go to sleep around 3:30 AM. Living is giving me so much joy – so much experience. I continue to be amazed.