the birds of the air

in the shadow of morning
no
ah – but can be seen
the ghostly shape of day
there on the fence
in the fields
is gone
but there
and shadows standing
the human banner
and bearing morning paper
quickly now
while words follow in the air

you
will walk
will fly
will trail the space between
heads and words
emptiness converse

you – get out

ever and ever and ever
and things like love
nice hair and – and
nice food
and nice – um

get out

______________________________

Commentary
March 22, 2010

One of my earlier attempts at the broken form, something I’ve never maintained. At times I think it’s worked for me; it’s much better when it’s natural. I think The end of the illusion is probably the best evolution of it, and I don’t remember trying it since. These days I’m very sure of what I’m writing and the broken form requires a very unique kind of flow that I don’t think I have for this particular kind of writing. Others do it better, and I think what I’ve learnt from my brief experiments with it have worked their way into my writing to be used sparingly when appropriate.